Take It Like A Man

Take It Like A Man

By Caligula

Joy couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her son, James. James, a high school senior, had been sulking around all evening after school. He didn’t eat much in the way of dinner, didn’t want to play his video games, didn’t even do his homework. He just sat there at one end of the sofa watching TV, although Joy could tell he wasn’t really paying attention to the show. She looked her son up and down and found, as usual, that she wasn’t impressed. James was your standard nerd: skinny, weak, and not assertive at all. What he lacked in confidence he made up for in a whiny voice and stooped posture. She tried ignoring his distracted gloomy mood, but she finally had enough and hit the remote to turn off the television.

“Okay, James. What’s the matter? You look like you’re going to a funeral,” she asked, a bit annoyed. She nudged his knee with her bare toes.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he replied, looking down. His frown grew even deeper.

“Don’t be like that James. I’m your mother. If there’s something wrong, I want to know about it. Besides, your foul mood is bringing me down.”

She watched as he fought some internal battle, trying to decide if confiding in her was the right move or not. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, quickly looked her way and lowered his eyes once more.

“Well, it’s this girl in my class,” he started to say before Joy interrupted him.

“Oh you like a girl in class! Well that’s nothing to be upset about,” she said, as if that ended the matter. Honestly she was surprised to hear him talk about girls. He was typically so wrapped up in video games that she wondered if he’d ever find a girlfriend.

“Um, not exactly,” he said with hesitation.

“So what then? Spit it out, James.”

“Well this girl is kind of a bully…she and her friends.” He looked down again.

“Are you being bullied by a girl?” Joy gave her son a look of curiosity and mild disgust, like she had just stepped on a cockroach and realized it was stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

“Sort of, I guess. But this is different. It’s…worse.” He swallowed hard and Joy saw him grow red in the face. She sighed loudly.

“So what then James? Who is this girl?”

“Becca Larson. She wants me to meet her tomorrow at the park at 3pm,” he replied, blushing even more heavily.

Joy wasn’t familiar with the girl, but she guessed it didn’t matter. “And what is supposed to happen at 3pm?”

The blush on her son’s face was about as deep as it could get. Joy thought he was starting to look like a tomato.

“She said she’s going to kick me…between the legs, while her girlfriends watch.”

And there it was, thought Joy. So that’s why he’s been moping around the house tonight. It makes sense, I guess.

“She wants to kick you in the nuts?”

“Yeah. And she said if I wasn’t there at 3pm tomorrow that she’d do it at school, in front of everyone.”

Joy could see not only was he embarrassed at having to tell his mother that some girl bully wanted to kick his nuts, but he was also scared. She thought for a moment on the best way to handle this awkward situation, and calm her son down.

“I see. So are you going to go?”

“No, Mom! I don’t want to get kicked…down there! I…I…don’t know what to do.”

Joy’s motherly instincts kicked in, as well as her sense of practicality.

“Well it sounds like you aren’t going to be able to avoid getting kicked in the nuts by this girl. If you don’t go tomorrow, she’s just going to get you at school, or you’ll run into her at the mall…but just think how humiliating it would be if she kicked you in front of a huge crowd. Don’t you think it would be better to have it happen in a more private setting? The park won’t be too crowded at 3pm.”

“But I don’t want it to happen at all, Mom! What if you call the school Monday and get Becca’s home phone number? You could call her mother and…”

Joy gave her son an understanding smile. “That won’t work. That might buy you a couple days, maybe a week…but if this girl is determined to kick you in the nuts it’s going to happen. How much harder do you think she’ll kick you if I snitch to her mother and she gets in trouble?”

James wanted to disappear into the floor that he was studying so intently. He was so embarrassed he couldn’t even look at his mother, but he had to admit there was a certain sort of perverse logic in what she was saying.

“Listen, tomorrow is Saturday and I’m not doing anything so I’ll drive you to the park so Becca can kick you in the nuts. This way I can drive you home afterwards because trust me, you won’t be in any condition to ride your bicycle or walk home afterwards, okay?” Joy smiled, proud of her solution.

James sat silent for a moment. “But I’ve never been hit in the balls before, Mom. I’m scared.”

Joy smiled knowingly. “It’s natural to be scared, James. But if it makes you feel any better, you’d probably be more scared if you HAD been kicked in the nuts before. At least your first time you don’t really know how bad it’s going to be. And the anxiety of having to wait until 3pm tomorrow, having so much time to think about it and what this means for you, is probably going to be worse than the actual kick itself.”

“I guess,” he answered quietly, sighing loudly.

She nudged his knee again with her big toe, causing him to look at her. She raised her eyebrows and gave him an exasperated look.

“Try and take it like a man, okay James?”

Take it like a man, she thought. A real man wouldn’t let himself be kicked in the nuts like this. A real man wouldn’t let his mother drive him to the park so a bully could kick him in the nuts. But then James isn’t really a real man. He’s just a nerd. Ugh, he gave in so easily. Maybe this will teach him to stand up for himself a bit more. If he doesn’t start to man-up in life, this won’t be the last time he gets his family jewels racked by some woman.

For James’ part, he blushed a deeper shade of red when his mother asked him to take it like a man. He nodded his head up and down, still not really believing this was actually going to happen tomorrow. He was going to let Becca kick him in his balls, and his own mother was offering to drive him to his doom.

*****

The next day was torture for James. His mother was right about the anxiety being terrible, having nothing to do but wait around all day and think about what being kicked in the balls would be like. Joy noticed his apprehension but said nothing. After all, what could she do? There were no words that could dispel his fears. Best to just get it over with.

Take it like a man, she kept saying to herself.

James couldn’t tell if the clock was ticking too slowly or too fast. It was the longest day of his life, and yet the hours seemed to tick by way too quickly. Before he knew it his mother was standing over him in a cute sundress and wedge platform sandals, the car keys jingling impatiently in her hand.

“Let’s get going so you can hurry up and get kicked in the nuts. I don’t want to be late and I don’t want to make a whole day of it. Are you ready?”

James looked up at her, shrugging at her noncommittally. Am I ready? How can someone be ready for this? Maybe I should just tell her to forget about it.

Instead what came spilling out of his mouth was a half-hearted “I guess so.”

On the car ride to the park Joy could tell how nervous her son was; the way his legs shook nonstop and how he fiddled with his hands.

“It’ll be fine James. Calm down. This girl will kick you in the nuts and it’ll be over before you know it. Then you hopefully won’t have to worry about someone hitting you in the crotch again for a long long time.”

Inside though, Joy felt pretty sure James wouldn’t have to wait long at all to be kicked in the plums again. It seemed to happen that way for nerds, but she kept that to herself. He’s already got a lot on his mind and if he backs out now this Becca will just make it worse for him later. Just take your medicine like a man.

James was hardly listening though. The blood seemed to be pumping in his head so loudly that he almost couldn’t make out what his mother was saying. They pulled up at the park 10 minutes early and Joy eagerly got out of the car, followed by a more cautious James. He looked around and saw no sign of Becca.

Good…maybe she’s not coming, he thought.

“Where are you supposed to meet her?” asked Joy.

He pointed. “Over there, by the picnic tables,” he said quietly.

“I’ll wait on this bench over here so I don’t get in the way. After all, if I’m sitting too close she might not go through with it, and we wouldn’t want that.”

James looked up sharply at his mother.

“You know…because then she’d kick you in public someplace where it would be even more humiliating,” she added. “Once she’s done kicking you in the nuts I’lll come over and help you to the car so we can go home, okay? And James? Try to take it like a man, okay honey?”

James nodded silently and slowly walked to where the picnic tables were. Joy thought he looked like a sailor being made to walk the plank, and she made a pouty face as he shuffled away with his head held low and shoulders sagging.

Poor boy, she thought.

James arrived at the picnic tables, still hoping Becca wouldn’t show up, and turned back to look at his mom. Joy smiled at him and gave him a happy little wave, encouraging him to ‘sack up’. She looked down to her watch, hoping Becca would be on time. Joy was eager to get back home.

Joy saw Becca at the same time James did as she and two of her girlfriends rounded the corner of a park building. Joy knew which girl was Becca because she was in the lead, while her two friends walked a pace or two behind her. Very assertive girl, noted Joy appreciatively.

She watched as Becca walked up to James and they engaged in conversation. Joy was too far away to hear what was being said, but was surprised to see James get on his knees and spread his legs.

Oh that’s interesting. I guess I was expecting her to kick him standing up.

The two girls Becca brought with her each took hold of one of James’ arms, so he wouldn’t try to cover up.

Sensible.

Becca backed up a good distance from James, and it became apparent to Joy that she was going to get a running start.

That’s probably how I’d do it too, she mused.

Joy watched as Becca then ran forward and kicked James in the nuts with the toe of her sneaker. Even from where she was sitting a good distance away she could hear the ‘THWACK’ Becca’s shoe made as it connected with his plums.

“Oh my,” Joy said aloud to no one in particular. She uncrossed her legs and then crossed them the other direction as she imagined what it would be like if she were kicked in her own crotch like that. She found she was uncomfortable with the idea, but then who would kick a woman in the crotch anyway? It wasn’t something she had to be worried about…not like a guy.

She was pulled back into the moment though as she heard James start to squeal all high-pitched like a girl. Becca’s friends on either side of James had released his arms and his hands were cupping his nuts, and he toppled over onto the pavement. Becca and the girls all laughed at him, pointing and mocking him by holding their own crotches and making loud blubbering noises. This went on for several minutes and Joy once again looked at her watch, impatient to get back home.

Just when Joy thought the girls would depart, James vomited, which started up a whole new round of jibes and laughing. Joy rolled her eyes and shook her head irritably, once more disappointed by her weak son. After a bit more taunting and laughing the girls finally started to leave, while James continued to rock back and forth on the ground, his cries now more of a sustained soprano warbling.

Finally, thought Joy.

She realized the girls were walking her direction and so pulled out her cell phone and tried to appear distracted in some TikTok video, so as not to arouse the girls’ suspicions about why she was sitting there watching them kick some boy in the nuts. Joy listened as the girls approached, talking amongst themselves.

“I love kicking boys in the balls!” she heard Becca say.

“I can’t believe he actually showed up,” said her friend on her left.

“And got down on his knees,” added the friend on her right.

“I know, he’s such a dork and that just proves he totally deserved it,” answered Becca.

Joy found herself in agreement with Becca’s sentiment, and realized she wasn’t feeling the motherly pangs of sympathy for her son that she supposed some women would experience in this situation. But then most moms wouldn’t have driven their sons to their nut kicking appointment, and Joy knew sometimes a little tough love was what was needed.

“I should kick him in the balls again next weekend,” she heard Becca say as the girls walked on, and the other girls laughed.

I wonder if I’m free next weekend, Joy thought to herself with a chuckle.

After the girls were gone Joy got up and walked casually over to where her son lay as he still rolled around on the ground. His whimpers had gotten much quieter but she could hear them more clearly the closer she got.

So much for taking it like a man.

She stood over James for a few moments, looking down at him in disappointment. “See? Not so bad. At least it’s all over now. C’mon…let’s get you up and into the car so we can go home.”

Joy reached down and grabbed one of his arms and pulled, slowly drawing James to his feet. “There ya go…now just walk it off.”

She draped his arm over her neck and allowed him to lean into her so she could help him stay on his feet as they walked to the car, which was parked impossibly far away in James’ opinion. He was glad his mother was here though because she was right…he would never had made it home on his own.

“She really got ya, didn’t she?” she asked with a chuckle.

James could only whimper in response.

“I have to admit I was surprised she opted to do a running kick. I could hear her foot hitting your nuts even all the way over where I was sitting.”

“It hurts so bad Mom.”

“I know…I saw you puke,” she said with a roll of her eyes that James couldn’t see as he staggered along beside her.

“Please make it stop. Please make the pain stop.”

“When we get home I’ll get you a bag of frozen peas for your nuts. You really should try to stand up for yourself more James, and things like this wouldn’t happen.”

They eventually got to the car and Joy unlocked the passenger side door. She pried James off her so she could open the door for him, and as she threw the door open with more strength than she had intended she slammed the door into his nuts with a loud ‘THUD!’

She put her hand over her mouth as James’ eyes crossed and his hands once again flew to his plums. Joy noticed his voice rose several octaves as he started to quietly say, “My balls…my balls…”

She said the first thing that came to her mind. “Oops!” And then she caught hold of James as he tried to fall to the ground.

Oh no…I need to get home. We’re not sitting here for another 20 minutes until you can walk again. Take it like a man, son.

“Oh come on now, it can’t be that bad. They’re probably still numb from that kick in the nuts Becca gave you.”

She held him tightly and dragged him to the open car door and helped him into the seat. She backed up just in time as he leaned his head out of the car and puked for the second time today. Joy patted him on the back.

“I know, I know…get it all out.”

She closed the passenger side door and as she walked around the car to the driver’s side, she realized she was feeling a little rush of adrenaline.

I wonder if this is what Becca felt when she kicked him in his nuts. Probably why she does it…kicking nuts.

She got into the car and put the key in the ignition. She looked over at James…he was looking a bit green in the face as he cupped his plums with his hands and softly whimpered. She shrugged her shoulders and gave an ‘oh well’ look, started the car and drove them home. Joy smiled the entire distance…after all, what was the big deal? They were just nuts.