Egg Breakers (Chapter 30 - 45)

 by dArchivist

Chapter 30

I jerked awake from my nightmare. Lizzie was crushing peas, mom was stepping on eggs, Rebecca was kicking soccer balls, and Coach Baker was exploding cups. Each of them were moving down a line, heading straight for me.

As all four feet were about to smash my head, I heard a ding on my window.

“Josh.” Another ding. “Josh, open up.”

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and opened the window.

Rebecca put down her pebble when she saw me. “Come downstairs and open the door.”

As soon as I opened it, Rebecca yanked me out and kissed me. I shoved her away.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“You don’t like it?”

“I…” I breathed as I turned around and closed the door. “Lizzie’s going to kill you.”

“What’s new?” Rebecca crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. “That bitch is dead to me.”

“She said the same exact thing.”

She rested her foot on the wall and rubbed her knee. “I would so destroy her, and she knows it.”

“The whole ride home, I had to hear her frothing at the mouth.”

“Enough about her, what’s with you?”

“What about me?”

“How’s the…” She glanced down at my crotch.

“Hurts a little.”

“I had no idea that queen bitch would put me at the back.” Rebecca tightened her fist. “I even rigged the whole thing so I would go first!”

“So you could go out with your boyfr—”

“—you.”

“What?” I stepped towards her.

“You’re my boyfriend.” Rebecca grabbed me by the shirt and shoved me against the wall.

“What about the baseball—”

“We broke up a long time ago.” Rebecca kissed me. “I only told Lizzie that because I wanted her to be jealous. She always did like that guy.”

I pushed her away, but she shoved me harder, then started to snake her hand into my pants.

“I don’t feel comfortable with—”

She squeezed hard and giggled. “I think your pinky disagrees.”

I looked around at the dark street. Who the heck would be out in the middle of the night? But we still could get cau—

I winced as she rolled her fingers.

“Still sore?”

I nodded.

“I could take care of that for you.” She tugged at my pants, but I held them up.

“Rebecca, please, they’re right inside.”

“I know… I love to live dangerously.” She squeezed my balls and lifted me up slightly.

I groaned and let go of my pants, causing her to grin.

“Good boy,” she said, pulling my pants all the way down. “Is your pinky happy to see me?” She placed my hands on her boobs. “Squeeze them if I hurt you too much.”

“Rebecca, I—”

She yanked down my boxers. “Whoa, are they supposed to be that color?”

They were black and blue, and even my upper leg had a huge green spot where the one girl kicked.

“Did you even stick ice on it?”

I nodded as I thought of the frozen peas and turned a little red.

“Is that how it looked after my mom kicked you?” She giggled. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a naked pair after they got kicked. We couldn’t stop talking about you after our match. Wasn’t that super fun?”

“Getting kicked isn’t what I would call—”

My hands launched towards my groin as I felt them explode.

“What about knees?” She giggled, then pried my hands away and placed them back on her boobs. “I told you to squeeze if it hurt.”

I squeezed hard, causing her smile to grow larger.

She dug in her pockets and took out a sock. “I told my mom about me losing the competition, and she gave me this as a little gift for you. I thought playing a little shutty uppy tonight would work wonders.”

I stopped squeezing her, and slowly took a few breaths. “How would that—”

Rebecca shoved the sock in my mouth, then pinched my nose and kneed me.

My hands flew to my crotch as I tried to slither down the wall. I couldn’t breathe, turning my head side to side, but Rebecca just giggled.

“She was wearing those for a few days.” Rebecca breathed in heavily through her nose, and breathed out of her mouth as I turned redder and redder. “Put your hands back on my boobs and I’ll let go!”

I slowly let go of my crotch and did as she ordered.

“Good boy.” She unpinched my nose and pulled out the sock. I gasped for air. “So how do they taste?”

“Extremely salty.”

“She must’ve walked around the grocery store with these.” She glanced at the bottom of the pink sock and grimaced. “Tongue!”

“I’m not sticking out my—”

“Tongue!” She slapped me and pressed it on my lips.

I stuck out my tongue as she ground it down, then shoved it back into my mouth.

“I like having my own little dog.” She smirked and rubbed her knee against my groin. “Nod if you want me to keep doing this.”

Before I could do anything, she stepped back and planted her foot right into my groin, pressing with the bottom of her sneakers. I grabbed her leg and squeezed as I tried to escape.

“I don’t feel you squeezing my boobs!” She looked at her nails and smirked. “I guess you want me to continue.”

I squeezed her leg and tried taking out the sock, but she bent her knee and made my balls feel like they would implode. She finally moved her foot down and stepped back towards me. My hands flew towards her boobs as I squeezed as hard as possible.

“Your little ballsies must hurt.”

I nodded and nodded as I felt myself tearing up.

“Open!” She ran her fingers across my lips, then pressed the sock in further, causing me to gag. “Now shutty uppy before I get angry.”

She forced my chin closed, then kissed my forehead.

“Now get down on the ground, face up.”

I did as she ordered. She kicked off both sneakers and stepped on my chest, squeezing her boobs as she looked down at me.

“Does my mom’s sock still taste good?”

I nodded no.

“That’s too bad.” She ground her foot on my nose, and when I turned my head to the side, she crushed my cheek. “If you turn your stupid face again, I’m going to stomp. Now face up!”

She barely lifted her foot as I felt my nose drag under it, then she pressed down hard.

“Sniff!”

I sniffed as hard and as loudly as I could.

“Good boy.” She ground her foot down, then pressed her other foot on my neck.

I grabbed her legs as I choked, but she just continued shifting her weight on either foot.

“Hands to the sides!” She balanced on my nose. “Or Lizzie and your mom are going to find a dead Joshy Woshy on their porch.”

I placed my hands on my sides, which caused her to balance with one foot on my neck. She looked down at me and smirked as she wiggled her toes in my eyes. I stared at the bottom of her socks, at the foot that was going to kill me. This was going to be the last thing I would see before I—

“You’re being a really good boy tonight. I think I’m going to reward you.”

She stepped on my nose then slowly walked backwards. The instant her foot left my neck, I gasped for air through my nose, causing her to giggle. She bounced on my stomach, then turned around.

“It wasn’t that bad, your pinky is still working.”

She nudged it lightly with her foot as she dug in her pocket and pulled out another sock.

“Now, whose sock do you want? Mine or my mom’s?”

I tried pulling the sock from my mouth, but she stomped down on it. I knew better to try to hold it this time, so I just curled my hands into fists and jammed them into my sides.

She pressed her toes into the tip, scrunching and unscrunching her toes, giggling every time it bounced up.

“It looks like you’re really enjoying the sock in your mouth.”

I grunted as she spun in place and faced me.

“How about odd, mine, even, hers. Deal?”

I was too scared of what she would do, so I just nodded my head yes.

She raised her foot and kicked it into my groin.

I groaned and started crying as pain radiated through me.

She raised her foot and kicked again. I jerked and caused her to slip off.

“Oops, didn’t count.”

She stepped back on me and gave me a few stomps.

“Don’t move this time! Unless you want her filthy sock!” She shrugged. “Although I don’t know, it looks like you love it already.”

My breathing was incredibly rapid as I tried to calm down, but seeing her foot raise kicked it back into high gear.

She kicked—and my hips raised as my legs closed—but it never came.

She giggled, spun around, and crouched down as she looked down at my crotch.

“Look at it twitching!” She poked at it a few times. “You seemed to really enjoy that.”

I tried to calm my breathing, but her weight was making it hard to breathe.

I couldn’t see what was happening, but could feel my penis being inserted into fabric. She started to run her fingers up and down, then gripped it.

“It looks so cute in its pink little hat.” She flicked it. “Yep, it’s on there secure.”

I grabbed her butt, causing her to jump slightly, then she settled back down.

“Squeeze if you like it!”

I squeezed.

“If you make a noise,” she reached back and pulled the sock out, “this is going straight back in. Understand?”

I squeezed her butt again, then let out a moan.

She slammed down on my chest, crushing my hands, then placed both feet around my—

I bit my lip and shuddered as I squeezed as hard as I could.

“Wow, not even one stroke!” Rebecca giggled as she moved her feet up and down. “Was that filthy sock that good?”

I shuddered a few more times, trying to stay as quiet as possible, until I could finally speak.

“Wow.”

“Wow’s right!” Rebecca spun around and planted both feet in my face. “I never made anyone explode that quickly. I think I found my new secret weapon!”

I sniffed and took in her incredible scent while she leaned back on her hands.

“How did the grocery store floor taste?”

I groaned into her socks and continued sniffing.

“How do they smell?” She giggled. “I walked around the store too!”

“You’re… You’re—”

“I know.”

She pulled her feet off my face and stood up, peeling each sock off her foot.

“Open!”

I opened my mouth and she shoved both in, then patted my cheeks.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, I convinced the winner to give me the first two tickets.” She tweaked my nose. “And be sure to brush your teeth.”

Chapter 31

Rolling out of bed this morning was tough—my entire lower body felt like it got smashed by a dump truck. I hobbled my way to the bathroom, and spent an inordinate amount of time in there—every movement took ten times as long.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Mom grabbed my pillow and fluffed it up, then stuck it back beneath her feet. “I heard you flush and decided to wait in here for you. It took you long enough.”

I winced and stopped in the middle of the floor as I felt my stomach ache.

Mom flexed her foot in my direction. “Do you need my magic healing powers today?”

“No thanks, mom.”

“Are you sure?” Mom used her feet to hold my pillow up. “We can use this instead of foot-peas!”

I nodded no.

“Aw shucks, I could’ve used another foot massage after yesterday’s.” She shrugged and placed the pillow back down, grinding her toes into it. “I forgot to tell you yesterday how nice that was.”

I finally made it to the edge of my bed and sat down. “Do you mind moving? I think I need to lay back down.”

“Just lay down the other way!” Mom shifted the pillow over using her feet. “Maybe a nice change of scenery would do you some good.”

“But your—”

“Nonsense!” Mom leaped out of bed, lifted my legs, and forced me down. “There, you see? Isn’t that better?”

The air around my face smelled like mom’s feet, and it didn’t help when she laid back down and started scrunching her toes near my head.

“Ahhh, it feels good to relax after a long morning.” Mom rolled onto her side and used her arm as a pillow. “I went food shopping already, and I had to walk up and down the aisles for hours. Can you believe they changed the layout? Now I don’t know where anything is.”

She rolled over again, then scrunched her soles and started to whisper.

“And don’t tell Lizzie, but guess who I ran into there? Rebecca and her mom!”

My eyes shot open.

“I was laughing when I spotted them, because they were walking around with no shoes on! When I asked why, they both just said walking shoeless was supposed to be better for your body. Maybe I should try doing that.”

I tried to sink into bed and relax, but I couldn’t get last night out of my head.

“And guess what other new stuff they had?”

“Great story…” I groaned, trying to roll away from mom’s feet, but my body wasn’t having it. “Can I just go back to sleep?”

“Fried chicken!”

I jerked up and clapped, then felt pain shoot through my back.

“I knew you would love that.” Mom rolled over and stretched her leg in the air, trying to touch her toes.

I winced as I tried to lay back down.

Mom landed her foot on my chest and giggled as she pressed me back down. “It looks like you could’ve used some help. Maybe you should start walking around without shoes on too! It’s supposed to be so much better for your spine.”

Now that I was laying back down, my back probably wouldn’t let me flip over.

Mom rolled off my bed and began digging through my drawers.

“What are you doing?”

Mom closed and opened another drawer. “I’m trying to find the spare pillow.”

My eyes opened wide. I couldn’t let her open that next drawer. “Nobody ever uses that, because you have a million of them laying around the house.”

“I know,” mom said as she closed it and turned around, “but there’s the one you used since you were a baby. All that talk yesterday about your baby pictures made me—”

“It’s okay, I don’t—”

“Now where could it be?”

“Maybe it’s in the garage?” I needed to get her as far away from my room as possible to give me more time to move my secret stash.

“Don’t be silly.” Mom started taking things out of the closet and piling them on the floor.

I rolled out of bed—the thump caused her to look over for a split second.

“I know you’re worried about the pillow,” mom said. “I remember when you were a baby, every time you got hurt you hugged it, and it made all the booboos go away! It’s probably why you want it so badly right now.”

I started crawling along the floor towards her. “Really, mom, I don’t need—”

“It’s now my mission to find it.” Mom threw a few more clothes onto the pile, then stood on the mountain of clothes, trying to reach higher into the closet.

“It could be in the attic.” The mountain was blocking my way. There was no way I could make it through. Why didn’t I just roll off the other side? “Remember when you moved boxes of old stuff up there when painting our rooms?”

Mom got on her tippytoes as she reached for a box on the top shelf, then let out a grunt as she lost her balance and fell down to the carpet.

“Since you’re already down there, be a good son and crawl on this pile.” She walked behind me and kicked my butt. “Hurry!”

“Seriously, go check the attic!”

Mom nudged me a few more times with her foot, then got frustrated and dragged me on top of the pile. “Don’t move!”

She placed her foot on my back and pressed it in, making sure it was stable, then stepped right up and reached again.

I grunted under her weight, and felt my body radiate in pain again.

Mom rubbed her foot on my shoulder blades. “I should’ve thought of this earlier. You know the massage when people walk on your back?”

I winced and tried to speak.

“Well these magic feet are making you feel better already!” Mom stood on her tippytoes, trying to reach higher. “And once I find that pillow, you’ll forget all about these little booboos.”

She fell back down again, then stomped on the ground.

“I just need a little more—” She snapped her fingers, threw my pillow on my back, then stood right on it.

The pyramid of clothes compressed as mom’s feet dug into my spine. I groaned as she tried to keep her balance, then heard the sound of cardboard flipping open.

“Awww,” she said, “these are your little baby things.”

“They weigh… a ton!”

“Whoops, I forgot you were down there.” Mom giggled as she stepped down. “I thought I was still standing on clothes. I guess that’s a sign of a great stepstool.”

Placing the box on my bed, she began digging through it as I slowly crawled over the rest of the pile.

“Remember this?” She squealed like a schoolgirl, waving a dinky old toy in my direction as I nodded no. “Lizzie used to use this when she watched you. She held it like she was a prison guard and didn’t let anything bad come near you.”

“You know where other old things are? In the attic.”

Mom took another thing out. “And this?”

“How about you take that box and go looking through it downstairs?”

“Don’t you want to see it all?”

“It’s old junk!”

Mom kicked my ribs lightly. “These are memories!”

“You never even thought about them for a thousand years.”

Mom grabbed my pillow with her feet and used it as a footrest as she looked through the box.

“Can I please lay back in bed now?”

“You don’t have a pillow.” Mom smirked as she waved another object at me.

I winced as I struggled to roll over. “I think I want to take a nap, can you please go make some noise downstairs?”

“Why do you want me out of here so bad, are you hiding something?”

“No, it’s just—”

Mom giggled. “You know I know everything that goes on within these four walls. If I knew you were hiding something, I would find it.”

I fake yawned. “It’s just that I’m really sleepy. I just wanted to—”

“How about I make you breakfast in bed?”

“Yes! Eggs! With bacon and toast and jelly.” I had to keep her downstairs as long as possible.

Mom’s eyebrow raised as she stood and lifted the box up. “Did that knee make your brain fry? You never want—”

“I thought I could change it up. Bacon, extra crispy please.”

Mom kicked the pillow near my head and used her feet to tuck it under.

“You know what’s funny?” mom said as she lifted her foot. “I just tried some new lotion on today, it smells like bacon.”

I sniffed and was surprised—it was true.

“Now you can smell your pillow while you wait for food!” Mom rushed for the door. “I’ll be back real soon, then I can show you more things from the box.”

“Take your time!” I said, but mom was already gone.

I rolled over as quickly as possible and crawled for the drawer. I opened it up and shoved the old baby pillow aside, then dug out Aunt Nikki’s sock and Coach Baker’s card. I slipped the card in my back pocket when I heard a cough.

I slowly turned and saw mom with one foot on the pile of clothes.

“You knew where it was the entire time?”

“I… I just found it.”

Mom pressed her foot into my back. “And what else are you hiding in here? Drugs?”

“No… I would never do that… I—”

Mom lifted a sock. “Whose is this?”

“I don’t—”

Mom kicked my ribs and rolled me over, then stomped her foot into my stomach. “Is this where you hide them?”

“No, mom, I don’t—”

She pressed her foot in hard and flipped the sock inside out, then gave it a sniff. “Did you spray Aunt Nikki’s perfume in here to cover up the scent?”

“It’s not—”

Mom stood on me as she pulled out another sock, then started shaking it. “Who sold you the drugs?”

I groaned and grabbed mom’s legs. “Please, mom, you’ve got it all—”

She kicked my hands and lost her balance. One foot landed on my—my legs instinctively curled up.

“Tell me where they are!” Mom wiggled on one foot.

I groaned and held her leg some more.

“This hurts me more than it hurts you!” Mom bounced a little. “Tell me who sold them to you, or you won’t have any more eggs!”

“It’s not drugs!”

Mom stood between my legs and rested her foot on my knee as I held myself. “Then what was that card? If I don’t believe you, I’ll stomp until you tell me the truth!”

“My girlfriend!”

Mom gasped as her face went from scowl to elation in an instant. “You found a girlfriend?”

I took the card out of my pocket, mom ripped it out of my hands and held her cheeks.

“You’re in love?” She inspected the card. “And a drug dealer wouldn’t leave kissy lips on it.” She brought it to her nose and gave it a sniff. “And it looks like girl’s handwriting. She’s probably very pretty if she has handwriting like that!”

I groaned, trying to close my legs. Mom jumped a little as she looked down.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” Mom patted my hands with her foot. “I’ll go get the peas! I almost destroyed any chance of grandchildren!”

Mom nudged my hands away with her foot as she plucked the pillow out of the drawer and placed it on my crotch.

“I couldn’t believe I thought my son would do drugs.” She pressed down on the pillow gently with her foot. “You keep that there while I go get the peas, it’ll make that booboo go away!”

Mom giggled like a giddy schoolgirl as her cheeks turned red while looking at the card.

“I can’t wait to meet her! Invite C.B. over for dinner!”

“Well, I… it’s… I have a date tonight.”

Mom was already halfway out the door. “I knew those embarrassing stories would work!”

Chapter 32

Lizzie was standing on the porch with her mini-nightstick.

“Who’s C.B.?” She thwacked the stick in her hands a couple times. “Mom can’t stop talking about her.”

“She’s nobody. I randomly found the card on the ground!”

Lizzie smirked. “I knew you couldn’t get a girlfriend. Well, you better get one fast or mom’s going to kill you for lying to her.”

“Do you know of anyone who could act as C.B.?”

“Hmmm, C.B.…” Lizzie placed the end of the nightstick against her chin. “Why not invite Coach Breaker?”

I nervously chuckled.

“Mom would be so happy, the two of them seemed to get along.” Lizzie angrily stared at some bushes. “And it would probably take mom’s mind off of the whole imaginary girlfriend situation.”

“Thanks for the advice, but I don’t have her number.”

“I might be able to get it if you ask nicely.”

“Can I get it pretty please with sugar on top?”

Lizzie grunted and waved the nightstick in my direction, then flipped down her reflective sunglasses.

“So,” I said, “why are you out here?”

“Looking for a dead bitch walking!”

“Do you really think she would stop by here?”

“I could smell her from a mile away!” She sniffed the air a few times. “Even when I came out here this morning, I smelled her scent.”

I slowly started to make my way back inside, when Lizzie swung the nightstick in the doorway.

“Where were you last night at the time of 03:00?”

“Sleeping?”

Lizzie nodded, then whacked me with the nightstick.

“And 03:30?”

“Sleeping?”

She smacked me again. “Next one’s right in the babymakers.”

I rubbed my shoulder and took a few steps back. “Come on, Lizzie, I was sleeping all night.”

She stared at my crotch as she ran the nightstick down my arm. “I’m onto you, mister. No funny business in my house.”

She waved me ahead and continued staring angrily out into the street.

“You’re free to go, prisoner.”

* * *

“Is she still out there acting crazy?” Mom flipped the towel over her shoulder.

“You should’ve never showed her that old toy.”

“Probably brought out the wrong type of memories.” Mom chuckled as she put down my plate of bacon and eggs. “So when do I get to meet this girlfriend?”

I shrugged, then started wolfing down my eggs. “She probably wouldn’t be able to even get by Lizzie.”

“That’s only if your girlfriend was named,” mom peeked around the corner and whispered, “Rebecca.”

Lizzie opened the door and peeked inside, then closed it again.

Mom sat down across from me. “How’re the eggs?”

“I never thought I would say this, but I think I ate them too quickly.” I jumped when I felt mom’s foot on my leg.

“And those eggs?”

I pulled my chair back. “They’re doing better.”

“Sorry I did that.” Mom wiggled her toes. “You know how I am with drugs, and cursing! But if I knew you had a girlfriend… you know I would never…”

“I know.”

“And you know that drugs can negatively affect your childr—”

“I know!”

Mom giggled again. “But I sure am good at defeating black belts. They just lay there and let me stomp all over them!”

“I’m not a black belt.”

“Obviously.” Mom rested her foot on my chair. “Lizzie would never even fall down like that, especially around me. You know what drugs do? They turn you into Aunt Nikki. Maybe that’s why I flew into a rage, do you remember when she—”

“I remember.” I ate a strip of bacon.

Mom lifted her foot to her nose and gave it a sniff, then plopped both feet on the table.

“Is this your new favorite lotion?” She looked around and began whispering. “Or do you think I should get the orange one from Rebecca’s mom?”

Lizzie burst into the kitchen and whacked the oranges with her nightstick.

“What are these doing in here?” Lizzie picked up the bowl like it was toxic waste.

“Lizzie, put those down!”

Lizzie hesitated, then took one step towards the trash.

“Now!”

Lizzie placed the bowl back down, then thumped the nightstick against the countertop a few times as she grabbed an apple.

“So did you invite your girlfriend over yet?” Mom put her cheeks in her hands as her eyes sparkled.

Lizzie cracked up and couldn’t stop laughing as she almost choked.

“The only girlfriend Joshy Woshy has is a bunch of imaginary socks! Just ask Jules!”

“They aren’t imaginary,” mom said, “I saw them with my own eyes. Although one did smell like Aunt Nikki’s perfume.”

I ate bacon as I felt myself turning red. There was no way I could look at Lizzie, but I could already feel her eyes burning through me.

“Aunt Nikki’s, eh?” Lizzie whacked my shoulder. “Do you know anything about this?”

“No, sir!” I said while rubbing my arm. Lizzie whacked me again. “No, ma’am?”

“Lizzie, stop interrogating him.”

Lizzie grabbed my cheeks and forced me to face her. “I know what you were doing, mister. I’ll talk to you under the sheets later.”

“Let go of him this instant!”

Lizzie smirked as she backed off. “Since we all know Joshy Woshy doesn’t have a girlfriend, how about I invite someone else over to the house?”

“Who?” Mom asked as she clapped.

“Someone who’s never been in this house before. Someone who never gives up, someone who never surrenders.” Lizzie stood on the chair, putting her foot on the table as she saluted. “And who loves to break some eggs!”

“Oooh, a new egg-breaker.” Mom clapped and stood in the same position as Lizzie. “Who? Who?”

Lizzie screamed into her microphone. “Coach Breaker!”

They both laughed and hugged as they almost stepped on my plate, but luckily I ate the last piece of bacon before they could.

“I don’t know,” Lizzie said, looking down at me, “are you going to be okay with having someone like that in this house?”

“She did…” Mom giggled as she crossed her eyes. “She might do it again!”

Lizzie smirked as she stared down at me. “And I know just the way to get her here!”

Chapter 33

“Don’t forget to give your mommy a goodbye kiss on your first date!”

Mom and Lizzie hung out the car window and were waving and screaming at the top of their lungs.

“And your beautiful sister too! I love you very much! Say hi to Miss Imaginary!”

I didn’t even turn around as I rushed for the entrance to the movie theater.

“We’ll see you inside!”

I hoped that was a complete lie, but I had to ditch them ASAP, so I followed Rebecca’s instructions to the letter. I headed inside and waited until I saw them drive away, then waited for a while and snuck into the back of the building where she picked me up in her own car.

When she pulled up, I dove into the car like I just robbed a bank.

“Go go go!”

Rebecca giggled as she sped out of the parking lot.

“Did they follow you into the theater?”

“No,” I said, “but I’m surprised they didn’t, Lizzie has the house locked down like a prison.”

“She’s wearing the sunglasses?” I nodded. “Typical. She probably thinks I would be hiding in the bushes across the street. Dumb bitch.”

I guess they really were best friends…

“So,” I said, “where are we going?”

“I’m taking us to the movie theater outside of town. No one we know will ever be there.”

We had a fantastic car ride, talking about all different types of likes and dislikes, music and movies. This was the first time we actually talked instead of having Lizzie between us.

“Do you want to go inside, or do you want to just stay in here and makeout?”

“Maybe… for my first date… we could do a proper date?”

“Aww, that’s cute.” Rebecca pinched my cheeks. “You know I won’t let you watch the movie.”

“Why not?”

She smirked and gave my cheek another pinch. “Come on, let’s go.”

We held hands as we walked inside. The special tickets covered price of admission plus a drink and snack—it was a pretty sweet deal. She wanted to see some girly romance crap, but I wanted to see the best new action movie—it wasn’t karate, but it was close enough!

“Are you sure?” She pinched my cheek again.

“Hell yes!”

“You’re going to be disappointed.”

I couldn’t see how.

We made our way into the theater and sat in the very back. I wanted to get the perfect seat, but she insisted… and since she decided to pick the movie I wanted to see, I let her get final say in the seats.

We sat down and ate popcorn and soda until the lights dimmed. This movie was going to be awesome!

Rebecca leaned over and whispered in my ear. “I think I dropped something, can you get it?”

“But the movie—”

Her finger shut my lips. “Get down there and find it.”

I grumbled as I crawled onto the floor. I could hear the intro music start playing, and could barely see anything.

“Is it still the credits?” I asked. Rebecca kicked me. “What am I looking for?”

Rebecca’s foot came out of her sneaker, and she hovered it in my face. I pushed it out of the way, only for her to kick me lightly in the head.

“I think a pebble’s in my sneaker. Can you get it?”

I grabbed her sneaker, shaking it upside down, then reached inside to knock the pebble out. I could only feel severe moistness, and then the smell hit me—it was like a jungle sauna in there.

“Are you sure there was a—”

Her socked foot landed on my mouth. “Shut it and get down on your back.”

“But I want to watch the—”

She pressed her foot hard, pinning my cheek to the seat. “On your back, now!”

I rolled onto my back and could feel the sticky mess of stale soda and popcorn mix clinging to my shirt. When I finally laid fully on my back, she unpinned my head.

“Now, do you want my sneaker or my socks?”

“What do you—”

Her foot slammed into my stomach. “If you don’t answer my questions, you’re going to regret it. Nod if you understand.”

I nodded as I heard the beginning explosions. I so wished I could see what was going on right now.

“Sneaker or socks?”

“Sneaker.”

She used my chest to pry off her other sneaker, then picked it up with her toes and hovered it near me.

“Rebecca, can I—”

She shoved her heel in my mouth, wafting the opening of her shoe over my nose.

“If you speak again, I’m going to walk around this theater in my socks. Do you understand?”

I nodded, which caused her to pry off her sneaker and lower it on my face.

“Sniff.”

I closed my eyes and sniffed—I could taste the tropical stench in my nostrils. My entire face started to sweat from the heat, and I don’t know what she did, but these things smelled…

Someone kicked my feet and giggled as they sat down.

I tried to sit up, but Rebecca’s foot pressed the sneaker down harder. Two more feet landed on my stomach.

“Who is that?” I asked. “Come on, Rebecca, this isn’t funny.”

I tried taking the sneaker off, but a foot pressed down on my balls hard.

“Put your hands on your sides,” Rebecca said. “And close your eyes.”

I did as she ordered. “Please let me up.”

“I’ll let you up when I’m ready.” I felt some popcorn land on me. “Just lay there like a good footrest.”

There were two sets of giggling. I tried to pinpoint who the second one was, when a foot prodded my groin. I gasped and sucked in humid sneaker air as a bare foot pressed my neck.

“Now I’m going to stick something in your mouth. I don’t want you to make a peep. Understand?”

I nodded.

“Open!”

I opened my mouth and sticky fabric was shoved in. I tried to spit it out, and as I opened my eyes, all I saw was Rebecca’s face as she began tying her shoelaces around my head. My eyes couldn’t see around the sneaker, and I muffled noises as the two of them giggled.

“How do they taste?”

Vile, like month old soda.

More whispering and giggling as the foot started rubbing me.

“Just to let you know, that’s not my foot.” Rebecca giggled. “But she says it’s bigger than she expected.”

I groaned while trying to worm my way around, but Rebecca pressed her toes into my neck.

“I’ll stop your breathing, don’t think I won’t.” She wiggled her toes and pushed down harder. “Stop your groaning and just enjoy the movie. I know we will!”

I laid there, trying to concentrate on anything else, and once my breathing calmed, Rebecca only rested her foot on my neck instead of pressing down.

I slowly breathed in the sneaker air and listened to the sounds of the movie. Every so often there would be a jump scare, or an explosion, and all four feet would press down on me—the other girl especially liked to stomp on my groin—and they both giggled every time I groaned.

About halfway through the movie, two feet started groping at my pants, trying to undo my belt and zipper.

I groaned, causing Rebecca to press on my neck and lean close.

“I’m going to stand on your neck until those pants come undone. Take a deep breath.”

I didn’t have enough time to even suck in a lungful of sneaker when my neck and face were crushed. I wiggled and writhed as the toes frantically moved across my pants. I grabbed at Rebecca’s leg, only for her to kick it away and stomp down on one of my hands, pinning it to the floor.

I felt my pants slide down and two feet rest on my groin, when Rebecca took her foot off my neck and twisted on my hand, sitting back down and leaning over.

“Good boy. Or should I say almost good boy.” She ground my hand under her foot. “For moving your hands, I think you should get some punishment.”

Both of them whispered back and forth for a while, then giggled.

“She says your boxers are next.”

I groaned and wiggled, only to have Rebecca’s foot stomp down on my neck.

I used my other hand to pull my pants up, but it was pinned to the floor as the other foot flicked at my boxers.

Rebecca giggled and rested her foot on my chest. “That was a fast one. I saw your kinky pinky flick right out. You must love my choking, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that big!”

I groaned into her sneaker and wiggled my fingers—both feet wiggled back.

“Mine or hers?”

I didn’t even know what she was saying. I continued breathing.

“You can groan your answer. Mine?” She pressed on my neck. “Or hers?”

My neck compressed even more as she probably hovered in her seat using the armrests. I coughed and tried to twist around, but both of them used their feet to keep me on my back—even giving me a few groin stomps.

“Since the results were inconclusive, I’ll ask her what she wants.”

They both giggled as three feet flicked and prodded and pressed around in my groin. I tried to hear their whispers, but it was drowned out by the explosions and gunfire.

“She says hers. Now don’t say a word!” She stepped her heel on my neck. “I’m so turned on right now. You know I could kill you just as easily as he’s killing bad guys in this movie.”

She slowly increased the pressure.

“Are you a bad guy? Because I’m a bad girl!”

I sucked in as much stale air as I could as my throat closed, and felt extremely sweaty fabric wrap around my penis.

I waited to be able to breathe again, but the pressure kept getting higher and higher.

Two feet wrapped around, moving up and down.

I began choking and coughing. Each cough crushed my neck further and further as I desperately grasped her foot with my free hand.

She kicked my hand away, so I tried to… so I tried to… my hand wouldn’t move as I saw my vision fade to black.

This is how I die… on my very first date…

I gasped awake and sucked in enormous breaths of air through my nose. Rebecca’s foot was having trouble keeping me pinned down.

“That was awesome.”

Rebecca leaned over and pried her sneaker off.

“Open!”

I opened my mouth and choked as she took the sock out—I felt it slowly peel off my tongue and cheek.

“You exploded like I’ve never seen anyone do before, and then you fell unconscious. That must’ve been one hell of an orgasm!”

I didn’t even remember… did I really…

Rebecca swung a second sock into view and I instinctively opened my mouth.

“I don’t think you want this one, it has your… proof… in there.”

Rebecca helped me up and put my arm around her shoulder when I almost fell down to the next row.

“So was that movie awesome or what? I love being a bad, bad girl!”

Chapter 34

“You look like death.”

Should’ve known Lizzie would be guarding the porch.

“I fell on the side of the road,” I said.

“Bullshit.” Lizzie eyed me up and down, then gave me a sniff. “Were you in Rebecca’s car? Did she drop you off a few blocks away?”

How did she…

“No, that can’t be true.” Lizzie touched my cheeks. “Not even the slightest bit red.”

I held Lizzie’s hand, and she rubbed my cheek with her thumb.

“Didn’t want mom to embarrass you?”

I nodded. “You know how she is.”

“So how was the first date?”

I honestly didn’t know. The entire car ride I rode in silence while Rebecca told me what a spectacular time she had. She was quoting the movie like I saw it, and she never even acknowledged my near-death experience at her feet.

“That bad, huh?” Lizzie gave me a kiss. “Mom’s going to be devastated.”

“I just went inside, we watched the movie, and that was—”

“I know you didn’t go to that theater.”

“What do you—”

Lizzie jammed the tip of her nightstick into my stomach as she flicked down her sunglasses. “We already had Jules inside. She wore a detective disguise and everything.”

“Why would you two—”

Lizzie jabbed me. “She couldn’t get a good sight of you when you ran outside.”

I took a step back. “Jules was—”

“Who’s C.B.?” Lizzie raised the stick.

“I don’t know.”

Lizzie whacked me and took a few steps closer.

“I honestly don’t—” I bumped into the wall.

Lizzie slammed her hand near my head and ran the nightstick up my leg. “Did you use protection?”

Did a filthy, sweaty sock count as protection?

“Don’t make me repeat myself. Who’s—”

“I told you, nobody.”

She tapped my inner thigh. “Your face is turning red.”

“It’s because I’m—”

“Lying!” Lizzie thrust her knee and stopped right before it hit.

“It’s Coach Baker, all right!?”

She took a step back and smirked. “Are you serious? That’s who you went out with?”

“If I did, would you be—”

“Impressed? Yep.” She peeled me off the wall and started wiping me down. “So that’s why you had to escape? Didn’t want mom to know.”

I nodded. And I had no idea who the second person at the theater was—maybe it was Coach Baker—so technically I wasn’t lying.

“That bitch told me Coach Breaker is an absolute freak in bed.” She laughed as she wiped me down some more, then flicked up her glasses. “Probably explains why you look like three trucks ran you over.”

I let out a nervous laugh as I headed for the front door.

“You probably shouldn’t. Mom’s waiting inside.” Lizzie grabbed my arm and guided me around the corner. “I’ll help you crawl up in my window, I use it to sneak in and out all the—”

I smirked. “Mom’s going to kill you when she finds out.”

Lizzie whacked my leg hard. “You tell her, and I’ll tell her what you really do with Aunt Nikki’s socks. Do you just sniff it or do you…” She shivered. “I don’t even want to know.”

I felt my face burning as she crouched down and held out her cupped hands.

“No wonder you get along with Freak Breaker,” she said as I stepped in her hand. “I even bet some of those were hers.”

Luckily she couldn’t see my face burning like the sun as I crawled onto the roof.

“I’ll go inside and send mom to bed. Just wait until I turn my light on and off four times.” I heard crunching of the grass as she moved towards the door. “Then throw your filthy clothes in my laundry. I’ll take care of it.”

“Lizzie?” I didn’t even turn around, but I knew she was looking up at me. “I love you.”

“You owe me, big time.”

* * *

“Good morning, my little lovebird!”

The entire house smelled like the greatest breakfast of all time.

“Take a seat,” mom said as she used her giant pan of scrambled eggs to clear some room.

“Mom!” Lizzie stopped her before a plate fell. “I think that’s enough food.”

“He needs to be nice and strong for his new girlfriend.” Mom dumped most of it on my plate. “Do you want some more?”

Before I could even answer, she already turned around and cracked more eggs.

Lizzie rolled her eyes at me. I shrugged, then started digging in—it tasted incredible.

“So tell me all about it, how was the movie?”

I mumbled some stuff through a mouthful of food.

“That’s wonderful!” Mom spun around and gave me a lightning-quick kiss on the cheek. “I knew it would go perfect.” She leaned down and scooped some on Lizzie’s plate. “Didn’t I tell you it would go perfect? Must’ve been our good luck cheers.”

Lizzie smirked. “He never did give us a goodbye kiss.”

“Maybe he didn’t hear us.” Mom danced to the microwave and opened the door. “Next time we’ll just have to yell louder.”

I just continued stuffing my face. This was even more food than mom cooked—ever.

“Me and Lizzie went straight to the supermarket after dropping you off.”

“Yeah,” Lizzie said, “and we tried that new thing.”

“What new—”

Mom gave me a huge kiss, then refilled my plate. “You know, the thing.”

Lizzie’s foot rested on my knee. I didn’t care, this food was just so good.

“Before we could even park, mom kicked her shoes off.”

“You know, the thing.” Mom laughed and wiggled the bottom of her sock at me—it was pure filth.

“Who told you about it again?” Lizzie rested her other foot on me.

“Oh, no one.” Mom smirked at me as she put down a bowl of popcorn.

I continued eating. I didn’t even want to know how Lizzie’s looked. I shifted my legs, but they stuck to me.

Lizzie took a bite. “I think I even stepped in some spilled soda.”

“Wow, honey,” mom gave me another kiss, “is it really that good? Your eyes are almost popping out of your head!”

I mumbled something towards mom.

Lizzie wiggled her toes. “You know it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.” She flicked a piece of popcorn at me. “Remind you of your date?”

“Stop throwing food!” Mom whacked her with the towel. “And don’t get any on our foot-warmer, I just washed it.”

I used my foot and felt the sleeping bag under there.

“Clearly he loves it, just look at those eyes.” Lizzie leaned back in her chair and dug her feet in. “Who makes popcorn for breakfast anyway?”

Mom pinched my cheeks. “When are you two getting married?”

I was about to speak, but I got flicked in the head with popcorn.

“Lizzie!”

“It’s not a problem, you’ll probably just step on it just like you did everything else in the supermarket.”

Mom giggled as she let go of my cheeks. “You should’ve seen us.”

“Mom even threatened one of the workers!”

“I couldn’t reach the top shelf, so I stepped on a few of the shelves to get higher.” Mom pinched my cheek and winked. “You should’ve been there!”

I stuffed my face full of more food.

Lizzie laughed. “He’s eating way too quick, his whole face is turning red!”

“But he didn’t even hear the best part!” Mom spun out of her chair to continue cooking.

“So the worker comes over and says she can’t do that.”

“I told him he could get down on all fours and help me, or his eggs could be up his throat. His choice!”

“I taught you well, mom.”

“Although I forgot to…” Mom giggled as she crushed the popcorn under her foot and twisted. “I should’ve been wearing high heels.”

Lizzie shrugged. “But walking around in socks was way more fun.”

“You’re right!” Mom pinched my cheeks again. “So, when’s the second date?”

“Today?” Lizzie wiggled her toes. “We would love to meet her.”

Mom stood up and began wiping my mouth with a napkin.

I pushed her away. “Mom, I’m in the middle of—”

“Can’t be today.” Mom continued as if nothing happened. “Coach Baker is coming over.”

“When?”

The doorbell rang. “Right now.”

* * *

She looked incredible.

Coach Baker pressed a cup to my crotch and whispered in my ear. “Now you can’t forget.”

I… I…

“Wow, that’s so nice of you,” mom said. “Now he has one for karate and one for here!”

Coach Baker spun around. “I was shopping and decided to pick one up since he’s teaching most of my girls how to defend themselves.”

Lizzie smirked. “Did you test it yourself?”

“Of course!” Coach Baker laughed. “Didn’t break.”

“That must be a really strong one then.” Mom tugged on my ear. “Thank the nice lady!”

I ducked out of mom’s grip. “Thank—”

“You’ll thank me later.” Coach Baker started digging through a few more bags. “And this one’s for Lizzie.”

“Wow!” Lizzie held it up. “My very own soccer outfit!”

“You’re practically a part of the team. They talk about you every day.”

“Must drive Rebecca crazy,” mom said.

“It does.” Coach Baker snickered.

I could see Lizzie’s eyes hot enough to melt the back of mom’s head, but she was oblivious.

“And I got this for you.” Coach Baker handed a bag over. “I think you’ll love it.”

“What is it?” Mom’s feet were tapping uncontrollably as she ripped it open. “Are you going to tell me what it—”

The air cracked as the paper bag exploded.

“I love it!”

“I knew you would.” Coach Baker smirked. “Now you could whip these two into shape!”

Lizzie ran over and began playing tug-of-war over it.

“It’s okay, Lizzie.” Coach Baker handed her another bag. “I got you something else.”

Mom yanked the whip out of Lizzie’s hands, then started practicing on a few more bags.

“Is it really?” Lizzie spun around and hid it from me.

“Yes it is.” Coach Baker helped block my view.

“What is it?” Mom ran over to see what they were looking at. “Ooooh, Joshy Woshy is going to love that.”

“I got it just for today.”

“What did you get?” I took a few steps, only for mom to whip my leg.

“Don’t take another step!” Mom giggled, then turned back to them. “Did you see what I just did? That was awesome!”

Coach Baker high-fived mom. “If only I could use that on some of my girls, they sometimes never listen.”

“He’ll definitely listen to everything I say now.” Mom turned around. “Go upstairs and brush your teeth!”

I wanted to see what it was, until pain ripped through my arm.

“Now!”

I darted for the steps as they tightened their circle and giggled. As soon as my foot hit the first step, they burst into cheer.

“Round 4! Joshy Woshy vs. Coach Cup-Breaker!”

Chapter 35

“What’s all that noise upstairs? How much longer do I have to wait?”

Mom adjusted her cowgirl hat. “What do you think?”

“It looks ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously cute!” Mom giggled, then began talking with a horribly fake southern accent. “Now y’all best be changin’ ya mind now, ya hear?”

I rolled my eyes as she adjusted her whip on her belt.

“I like not having to wait for halloween. We should do these more often. Remember the last one? Where Rebecca’s mom made your eyes—”

“Mom!” Lizzie yelled from upstairs. “Did you just—”

“No!” Mom patted my shoulder. “Does she have supersonic hearing all of a sudden?”

I grabbed a few pieces of popcorn, tossing them one at a time in my mouth. “Are you three almost ready?”

A whistle made the popcorn bonk off my nose and bounce towards the carpet.

“That’s the signal.” Mom walked over and nudged the popcorn with her toe. “Are you two ready!?”

Another whistle.

Mom crushed the popcorn into the carpet like it was wearing a black belt.

She looked at me and smirked. “Better not lose, or else Coach Cup-Breaker is going to see you eat that.”

Mom danced into the other room as I walked into position, staring in disbelief as she screamed upstairs.

“He’s almost ready!” Mom whipped my knee and giggled. “Go lay down at the bottom step.”

“But—”

Mom whipped me again. “We need this entrance to be spectacular!”

I ran for the steps as the air cracked behind me, then dove for the bottom step.

Mom nudged my ribs. “Roll over!”

As soon as I did, she stepped right up.

“Okay! We’re ready!” Mom giggled as she wiped her feet on me. “Oh wait, I forgot. Shoes!”

Mom never allowed shoes on in the house.

She ran to the top of the steps and disappeared as Lizzie peeked over, then whispered something back to Coach Baker.

Mom’s trumpet noises were more deafening than usual as she led the train down the steps. She raised the trophy in the air as she kicked out each cowgirl boot.

All three of them giggled as they danced and cheered and sang their entrance music.

Mom struck a pose, then leaped off the third step.

I stared at the bottom of her boots as they slammed right into my stomach. My guts wrapped around her feet as the other two gasped.

Mom stopped trumpeting as she turned around. I could feel my guts mashing as I grabbed her leg.

“What’s wrong?”

“Did you just jump?” Lizzie asked. “I thought we were just scaring him by stepping over.”

Mom nudged my hands away with her foot. “I’m just training his abs! We’ve done it before. Isn’t that right, sweetie?”

I bit my lip, holding mom’s legs as she stepped off.

“You see? He’s fine.” Mom leaned down and rubbed my stomach. “I just never stood with shoes on!”

Lizzie giggled as she stood on the second step and poked my abs with her cleat. “What other training secrets have you been hiding from me?”

“We practice all the time. How do you think he got so good?” Mom patted my stomach. “You see? It’s stronger already.”

Lizzie smirked. “I’m way lighter than you, so this should be a piece of cake!”

Before I could open my mouth, Lizzie’s cleat sank into my stomach.

“Lizzie!” Coach Baker said. “You’re going to kill him!”

My mouth opened, but no noise escaped as I grabbed at her legs.

“Didn’t you hear my mom? She does this to him all the time!”

Mom yanked Lizzie off of me. “But mine were flat, and yours have—”

“Spikes?” Coach Baker laughed. “And what about my combat boots?”

“Maybe you should just step over him.”

“No, it’s okay.” I couldn’t look like a wuss in front of her. “It’s just a quick step.”

Coach Baker prodded her foot on my abs. “Are you sure? I never stood on anyone before.”

“Stop being a baby and just do it!” Lizzie said.

Staring up at her towering body as my guts sank, she looked down at me and whispered sorry. I squeezed her leg as I bit my lip even harder. She giggled as she reached out to Lizzie for balance.

When one foot stepped on the ground, Lizzie forced a microphone in her face.

“So, Coach Cup-Breaker,” Lizzie put a cleat on me, “how’s your first time?”

I stared at her second foot as it returned to my chest. I groaned, but it seemed like no one was paying attention to me anymore.

Mom laughed. “Usually we do interviews after with the winners, but we could make an exception for you.”

“You’ll probably win anyway.” Lizzie smirked and dug her cleat in.

“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Coach Baker shifted. “I’m guessing he doesn’t win much?”

“Never has,” mom said as all three laughed. “Even I beat him, and I never even fought anyone before.”

“So,” Lizzie said, “do you plan on breaking any cups today?”

“It’s my name, isn’t it?” Coach Baker looked down at me and smirked. “We’ll just have to make sure he has protection on, just like self-defense practice.”

“No knees this time!” mom said as she slapped two egg stickers on my crotch. “And he’s wearing that hard cup you gave him. I just checked.”

Lizzie smirked as she shoved the microphone in my face. “How does it feel having magnets on your—”

“I’m still going to win.” I grinned through the pain. It was getting a little heavy, and Lizzie was digging her cleat in hard.

“So,” mom said, “how will you be celebrating your victory with us tonight?”

Everyone looked down at me, but I only stared at Coach Baker as she grabbed the microphone and winked.

“A girl can’t give away all her secrets!”

* * *

“Ding ding ding!”

I went in for the kill.

I wasn’t falling for the same failures four times in a row, so I unleashed a fury of punches.

Most of them landed, causing her to fall into mom.

“Wow!” Mom pushed Coach Baker back into the ring. “I’ve never seen him so motivated.”

Coach Baker rubbed her ribs. “I’m used to kicks.”

“Shouldn’t tell me your weakness.”

“Oh, it’s not a weakness.”

“Did you just hear that taunt?” Lizzie leaped on the couch. “Cup-Breaker is the best!”

I threw a couple fake punches, causing her to dodge exactly where I wanted her. More punches forced her towards the kitchen.

“Joshy Woshy smells the food. He’s hungry for more!”

Mom and Coach Baker laughed.

I punched her arm. “You shouldn’t be laughing in the middle of—”

A white flash, then my stomach burst in pain.

“Ouch. His tummy’s on his mind.”

I swung an arm out, but she weaved out of the way like water, so I chased her as she headed in the other direction.

“Looks like she’s trying to tire him out.”

Of course that wouldn’t work, the fight barely started.

I closed in on her, aiming attacks at all her weaknesses. Clearly she wasn’t a trained fighter. She grinned and punched my face, but I expertly dodged.

“Go Joshy Woshy!” Mom clapped and cheered while Lizzie leaped over and slapped her arm. “I mean, go both of you!”

We exchanged a few punches and kicks. I forced her towards the front door and kicked at her—

Lizzie whistled and pointed to the ground. “Back in the ring, Joshy Woshy!”

“Where’s the ring?”

“Right there, tiny balls.” Coach Baker pointed, and all three burst into laughter.

Mom giggled. “Would you say they’re peas or grapes?”

“Definitely peas.”

“Me too! Maybe they should start calling me Pea-Breaker Mom.”

They all burst into laughter as I turned redder and redder while making my way back to the center.

Lizzie blew the whistle between giggles. “Begin!”

I copied my opening moves, but the hits weren’t landing properly. I couldn’t let their teasing get in my head.

“Losing steam?” Coach Baker asked as she weaved around.

“Not a chance.”

I swung a punch as hard as I could, and felt the side of my head explode. I was staring at mom’s soles—I could still see flakes of popcorn stuck along the entire bottom. She wiggled her toes.

“Ouch!” Lizzie stood with one foot on the armrest. “An expert elbow to the side of the head.”

“Can my foot heal him?” Mom dragged her entire filthy sock down the side of my face, then placed it on my lips. “Give your mommy a big kiss for good luck!”

Everyone laughed as I jerked back to the center of the ring while wiping my lips.

“This is way more fun than I thought.” Coach Baker stepped towards me. “And the crowd is great!”

Mom and Lizzie cheered while I went in for the next killer move.

I caught her in an armbar, knocked her to the ground, then locked it in place.

Lizzie and mom gasped as I felt Coach Baker struggling.

“Start the countdown!”

Lizzie walked over and stared in disbelief, then started counting very slowly.

I leaned back and smirked as I closed my eyes, pulling even tighter. “Who’s the loser now?”

When the timer hit 3, my stomach jolted in pain. Mom was digging into me with Lizzie’s cleats on.

She bounced. “Let her go this instant!”

I hung on and gritted my teeth. Lizzie stopped counting.

“If you don’t let her arm go, I’m going to stomp!”

I couldn’t let go of my win… but mom looked dead serious as she raised her foot and twisted her other one slightly. My abs lit on fire as I screamed and let go.

Coach Baker rolled away. “Thanks, but I didn’t need your—”

“Nonsense,” Lizzie said. “We’re allowed some interference from the number 1 fans!”

“Like wrestling?”

“Exactly.” Lizzie touched mom’s shoulder. “She probably just got confused and thought he was still at the bottom of the steps.”

Mom giggled as she stepped off. “Are you sure the steps don’t stretch all the way over here?”

I lifted my shirt to check if there was blood, but luckily there were only indents. It still hurt like absolute hell though.

Lizzie jumped back on the couch. “And Coach Breaker escaped!”

Coach Baker grabbed my hand and helped pull me up. “It’s okay, Joshy Woshy, looks like you w—”

Now’s my only chance.

I kicked my foot as hard as I could directly between her legs. My foot felt like it shattered as mom and Lizzie gasped.

Coach Baker looked down at me. “Playing dirty? I have a metal—”

Her knee disappeared.

“—cup.”

I heard a crack as my body exploded. The floor slammed into my face like a truck.

A hand snaked into my pants and pulled out my cup, and then I heard an uproar.

“Coach Cup-Breaker wins by broken cup!”

All I could do was hold myself and dry heave as all three of them started cackling and cheering around me. Every gasp and wheeze made my insides want to fly out of my throat, so I sucked my breath in as the room spun and spun around me.

Lizzie rolled me over with her foot. “It’s customary for the winner to stand on the loser for her interview.”

“Can I borrow your cleats?”

Mom shrugged and began prying them off. “Only on the steps.”

Coach Baker bounced right onto my chest. “Now that I got the jitters out, this step just feels right!”

“I know, right?” Lizzie giggled as mom brought the cleats over.

Coach Baker balanced on one foot as mom slipped them on. Each cleat dug in so hard, and she took a few extra steps every time I coughed or heaved.

Lizzie slammed her foot on my stomach. “How does it feel actually breaking another cup?”

“I had to live up to my name.” Coach Baker bent down and pinched my nose. “And I wasn’t planning on it, but he asked for it.”

Mom grabbed Coach Baker’s crotch—she jumped.

“Can I help you?”

They all giggled as mom felt around. “You can get metal ones?”

“Yep.”

“Is Joshy Woshy’s foot going to be okay after kicking it?”

I groaned. “Mom, I think it’s brok—”

Mom put her foot on my mouth. “I wasn’t asking you.”

A piece of crushed popcorn shot to the back of my throat. I started choking.

“So,” mom pressed her foot down, “should I buy him a metal one too? I need to protect my—”

“Peas!” They all laughed as Lizzie pressed down on the stickers. My hands shot around Lizzie’s foot as I started squirming.

Mom used her foot to pet my cheeks. “Actually, I was going to say grandkids, but that sounds better.”

“Mom, I really think it’s—”

Her heel jammed in my mouth. “Not now, sweetie. The interview is happening.”

I couldn’t concentrate as pain ripped through every part of my body, and every little movement amplified it ten-fold. I didn’t hear the next few questions as I concentrated on trying not to breathe. Every time my chest moved, Coach Breaker shifted.

“Still alive?” Coach Baker tapped my chest with her toe, causing me to howl in pain again. “This floor is pretty noisy. Usually they need something to bite down on to help with—”

“I have just the thing!” Mom’s heel popped out.

Lizzie giggled. “Did he get food on the carpet while I wasn’t looking?”

Mom waved her filthy sock in Lizzie’s direction, showing her the popcorn.

Lizzie stomped as I heard airplane noises.

“Open wide!”

Chapter 36

I woke up with a kick to my head.

“I can’t believe your mom actually made him swallow all that popcorn!”

Lizzie laughed. “Did you see his face when she took off her second sock too?”

“I didn’t know eyes could get that big.” I groaned as two hard boots dug into my chest. “So, what’s for breakfast?”

“Joshy Woshy usually has eggs.”

“He still has them after getting them broken all the time?”

Lizzie giggled as she opened and closed cabinets. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Hey!” The boots dug into me some more. “Eggs this morning?”

I yelped when a heel pressed between my legs.

Both of them giggled. “Yep, still there.”

I whipped the sleeping bag off my head and tried wriggling out from under Coach Baker’s feet. She didn’t budge, just dug in harder.

“Good morning, sleepy. What do you want for breakfast?”

“Peace and quiet.” My groin still ached like nobody’s business, and my head was pounding. I grunted and stuffed my pillow over my head.

Lizzie’s feet rested right on it. “He thinks your feet smell, he’s trying to use his gas mask.”

The boots prodded my ribs again. “But it’s not even bad, my shoes are still on. And I didn’t even go out for my daily run yet. Did you want me to step on popcorn for you?”

Lizzie wiggled her toes as they both cracked up. “I think Joshy Woshy’s had too much popcorn. Yesterday was mom’s, and the night before was his first date at the movies!”

“First date? Was it anybody I—”

“Good morning, everyone!” Mom’s footsteps headed for the fridge. “Were you two waiting for me?”

“Thanks for letting me sleep in Josh’s bed last night.”

Lizzie pressed on the pillow. “No problem, he was too hurt to head upstairs anyway after you practically broke his cup in two.”

“Two cups of orange juice?” Mom placed glasses on the table. “Where’s Joshy Woshy? Does he want one too?”

I groaned as Lizzie wiggled her toes.

“Okay, tiny cup coming right up!” Mom giggled. “So, is everyone having bacon and eggs? Or are we having popcorn this morning?”

Coach Baker dug her heel into my ribs, causing me to groan.

“Sounded like he wants Round 2!” Everyone burst into laughter at mom’s comment. “But I’m not even wearing socks. Lizzie, can you get the mail for me?”

“Keep his gas mask on,” Lizzie said as her feet lifted off.

Mom’s feet plopped right on, pressing in hard. “He probably doesn’t want to smell my feet today. They smell like popcorn, and not the good kind!”

All four feet vibrated from laughter. I groaned, trying to turn my head to the side, only to have mom press down harder.

“I’m serious, you don’t want to smell these!”

“He wants to eat them instead!”

Mom laughed as she dug her toes below the pillow. “Open wide, honey!”

“That’s disgusting, mom!” The entire pillow started smelling like stale popcorn covered in old bacon. I jerked my head away, digging my nose deep into my gas mask, trying to get rid of the stench.

She only giggled and wiggled her toes. “So, did Lizzie tell you about our little weekend vacation?”

“Up north?” Coach Baker asked.

“We’ve never gone anywhere together. We always have to bring Josh or my husband. It’s going to be so much fun being just the two of us!”

Coach Baker’s toe pressed my crotch. “Joshy’s going to be alone? Need me to check in on him?”

“That would be great.” There was some jingling. “This is the spare key to the back door, just let yourself in.”

The door closed, and as soon as two feet left, two feet returned.

“Thanks for holding his gas mask in place,” Lizzie said, “Joshy Woshy appreciates it!”

I could hear mom start cooking food as I groaned again.

“So,” Coach Baker said, “is this a typical morning in this house?”

“Usually I cook eggs. But ever since I started using this bacon lotion—”

“Joshy Woshy can’t get enough!” Lizzie’s feet shifted as everyone cracked up.

“Does he eat bacon off your feet too?” Coach Baker asked through giggles.

Lizzie flattened my nose through the pillow. “Actually, mom’s been warning him for a long time what would happen if he ate in there.”

Mom giggled. “He didn’t like my southern accent, and he threw that popcorn right at me! He was practically asking to be eating it!”

Lizzie kicked my head. “Why didn’t you like mom’s accent?”

“I thought it was perfect.” Coach Baker pressed my ribs hard. “It fit with the outfit perfect—”

The air cracked. “Ya’ll mean this honkin’ thang?”

“Did you sleep with that?” Lizzie asked.

“Of course I did!” Mom placed a couple plates on the table. “What if I needed to come down and check on Joshy Woshy in the middle of the night? What if he didn’t brush his teeth before bed?”

“Should’ve whipped him anyway!” Lizzie chuckled as she slapped her heel on my chest a few times. “It might work even better than my whistle!”

Mom cracked her whip. “Everyone get to their seats!”

Chairs scraped along the floor as plates and glasses shifted. I started crawling out of my cocoon and lift the pillow off, but two feet slammed it back on my face.

“Good!” Mom wiggled her toes. “And Joshy probably won’t be joining us, it seems like he’ll just be smelling the bacon today!”

I groaned into the pillow as everyone laughed, but she only pressed down harder.

“Quiet foot-pillows can eat the leftovers. Loud ones eat off our feet!”

Lizzie and Coach Baker both jammed their feet into me as hard as they could. I bit my lip and tried using the pillow as a gag.

Coach Baker prodded her boot in my crotch. “So, how long have you two been—”

“Amazing? Since forever!” Lizzie kicked my ribs.

“No, I meant using—”

“Foot-pillows? Since forever!” Mom laughed as she pressed her toes in. “Just ask my sister.”

“Aunt Nikki is great,” Lizzie said, “you really should meet her. I think you two would get along great.”

“What does she do for a living?” Coach Baker asked.

“Besides breaking eggs?”

“Yes,” they all laughed as Coach Breaker dug her heel in hard, “besides that.”

I groaned and tried using my hands to block Coach Breaker’s boots from digging in, but it only got me a few kicks and stomps from all directions.

Mom rested her heels on my chest. “She considers herself a professional wine-drinker, but she’s actually a nurse.”

“Is that why you asked me peas or grapes yesterday?” Coach Breaker started rubbing.

My whole body started vibrating again as they all cackled.

“Did you hear that one? Grapes!” Lizzie dug her toes into my ribs.

“No wonder Aunt Nikki loved hitting Joshy Woshy’s grapes,” mom said. “Probably thought she was making wine! I should ask her next time we’re on the phone.”

I could feel myself burning, but Coach Baker kept rubbing on my—

She pressed in hard.

Mom jumped. “I think he just remembered Aunt Nikki’s knee! And he didn’t even have a hard cup that time. Or any cup at all!”

I groaned into the pillow as mom pressed down harder.

“It’s okay, sweetie. She’s nowhere here!” Mom used her heels to push the pillow away, then covered my face with her soles. “Wow, my foot-pillow is really burning up!”

I couldn’t help but sniff bacon popcorn as Coach Baker kneaded her foot.

Lizzie kicked my ribs. “He’s probably thinking about Aunt Nikki right now.”

I had to get my mind on something else.

“And the time she stepped on his face and forced him to—”

I needed to think of anything besides—

“And her disgusting sock in his b—”

I shuddered as Coach Baker’s feet completed their job.

“Wow!” Mom patted her feet on my cheeks. “I shouldn’t have given him a full whiff of bacon. He’s as hot as the sun and probably starving too.”

I let out a groan as four feet left me. Mom rested her feet on my chest, looked down at me between her legs, and pinched my cheeks.

“You did a great job being a quiet foot-pillow, so you can eat now.” Mom wiggled her toes. “And I know you love this lotion, but smelling isn’t going to make you stronger. You have to eat so you can stop losing every round. Maybe all four of us can practice after this.”

I groaned as she pressed down and tugged at her whip.

“And that’s an order!”

Chapter 37

I waved bye as mom and Lizzie pulled away.

As soon as the door closed, I slammed my back against the door, sliding down and rubbing my stomach.

They both partnered up all week to “help me practice”—they thought hopping off steps would help keep them in shape too! That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, but my abs were extremely glad to be rid of them for a few days.

After locking the door and double-checking they were gone, I made my way into the freezer. I snatched the bag of peas and rubbed it against my abs. To be honest, the peas did work better than anything else, and the little balls helped make it feel like a massage.

My stomach grumbled as I whipped open the fridge—no eggs. How the hell did mom expect me to survive over the weekend without food?

I slammed the fridge door and saw a folded piece of yellow float down and hit my sleeping bag:

‘Call Coach Breaker if you need any broken eggs in the morning. Love, mom.’

I flipped it sideways and stared at Coach Baker’s number.

No. I should just use this weekend to relax and recover. Calling her would just bring serious trouble. Although… she might be able to hold this bag of peas in place for me just like—

No. That’s just crazy.

I opened the refrigerator and stared inside. There was some leftover chicken, and I knew there was some rice in the closet. How hard could rice be? All you have to do is just boil some water.

I used one hand to knock open the upper cabinets, trying to reach up high and find where mom hid the damn pans. The bag of peas got knocked out of my hands a few times, so I just kicked it across the room, slamming my toe into the stove.

I cursed, then gave the stove a death glare as my toe throbbed in pain.

After hobbling over and placing the peas on my foot, I saw one of the bottom cabinets open—must’ve been from my awesome kick. The handle of mom’s pan was poking out—of course it would be there, I’ve seen her cook with it a thousand times, I just never paid much attention.

I dragged my foot over, being very careful not to lose the bag of peas, and pulled on the pan. It was stuck on something. Giving it a strong tug, the handle launched into my abs. Groaning as I tossed the pan onto the stove, I bent over and ripped the peas off the floor.

I glared at the pan. My stomach grumbled, so I smushed the bag against it. Cooking was going to be impossible to do one-handed. And then it hit me.

Diving into Lizzie’s room, I swiped her black belt and tied it around my stomach to hold the peas in place. I tested a few of my hardest kicks against her pillow, imagining it was her face. It worked perfectly, the peas barely even budged.

I unleashed a few more moves into her pillow, launching it down the steps, then kicked it as hard as I could into the couch as I ran back to the stove.

I felt the awesome black-belt power surging through me as I flicked mom’s towel over my shoulder. No challenge can stop me now.

Everything was going better and faster—the water boiled, the chicken peeled off the bone, the rice cooked, everything mixed together and smelled perfectly! I even added every piece of chicken in the fridge and sprinkled in a few dashes of salt and pepper to change things up.

After making myself a plate, I headed straight for the couch and plopped down, using Lizzie’s pillow as my own personal foot-pillow. I grinned as I reached for the remote, and smashed my feet in harder—maybe I would have to use it at the bottom of the steps later for some training.

The TV turned on with the best commercial of all time! I put on the biggest smile as I recited every single word.

This just couldn’t get any better!

The plate looked and smelled spectacular—I don’t believe I ever smelled anything so good before. I picked up a forkful and admired it, then bit down and…

I chewed a little and…

I chewed some more and…

And then I…

I spit it out. It tasted like glue that was stored in mom’s socks for a month. Honestly, it probably tasted even worse than Lizzie’s gym socks!

My stomach growled louder than ever as I shoved the plate to the other side of the table.

I pulled Coach Baker’s card out of my pocket and stared at the number. Maybe it wouldn’t be so—

The back door opened.

Perfect timing. I didn’t even have to call!

“I’m in here!”

No response, but I heard some bags shuffling.

“How many eggs did you bring?” I rolled off the couch and walked towards the kitchen. “Just ignore the toxic waste on the—”

Rebecca placed a box of fried chicken on the table.

“What are you—”

“Aren’t you home alone?”

I nodded. “But how did you—”

“Do you want this?” She glided over to me and grabbed my crotch. “I could always bring it back.”

My mouth wouldn’t work properly as I stared at the chicken.

She squeezed slightly as she tugged on the black belt. “So I’m taking that as a yes?”

I nodded as she pulled it—the peas crashed to the floor.

“What are these for?” She leaned down and picked it up. “Did you get hurt?”

“I hit my—”

Rebecca slammed it into my groin. “Say no more. I’ll take care of that for you.”

I crouched over slightly and watched her tighten the belt around my crotch, keeping the peas in place.

“There, all better.” She grabbed my hand and pushed me into my chair, then closed the back door and sat across from me. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

My mouth watered as I reached for some chicken, then felt a cold rush as her foot pushed the peas in.

“Aren’t you going to thank me?”

“Thank you.” I placed a few pieces on my plate. “You won’t believe it, but I actually tried to cook someth—”

She pressed in hard. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I said I was—” She twisted her heel. “… trying to eat some—”

“Eggs?” She pressed harder and smirked.

“No, there’s none left.” I reached down, trying to pry her foot out, but she stomped.

“Get those hands away from my feet and eat your meal!”

“But I can’t—”

“Shut up.”

I decided to listen and bit the first piece of chicken. It tasted so, absolutely, amazing.

“Good boy.” She scrunched her toes against the peas, then ground down slightly. “You love to do anything I say, don’t you?”

I tried to close my legs slightly and continue eating.

“We’re going to have the best weekend.”

She stomped her second foot into my crotch as hard as she could.

“It’ll be just me, you, and these two!”

Chapter 38

“Lower! I said lower!” Rebecca’s toes curled into my palm.

My fingers crawled down her sole and pressed slightly on her heel.

“Good boy.”

I smiled and began working my way up her foot. Whenever she moaned, her toes scrunched and I knew I hit the spot, so I made sure to add even more pressure and rub extra little circles. And it could have just been my fingers, or air wafting in from the kitchen, but her sweaty bare feet smelled like chicken. I was too afraid to get caught, but every so often I discreetly sniffed my fingers.

Rebecca paused the movie and wiggled her foot. “Don’t you think Joshy Massagy deserves a gift?”

“No, being with you is enough of a gift for me.”

She dug her toe into my ribs. “I think you’ve been watching too many cheesy romance movies with the women in this house.”

It sounded way better in my head, and maybe she was right—Lizzie and mom were rotting my brain away with those horrible movies. I needed to learn how to take out a dozen guys with my fists, not pick flowers and skip through meadows.

“I feel like having popcorn.” She pulled both feet out of my hands. “Go make us some.”

I took Lizzie’s pillow off my lap and placed it on the couch—Rebecca jammed both feet into it like it was Lizzie’s head.

“Isn’t this just the best foot-pillow you’ve ever used?” Rebecca slammed her heel into it a few times as she leaned up to give me a kiss.

I stepped back and threw a punch. “I use it for training all the time.”

“Maybe we can train in kissing when you get back.” She crossed her arms, grinding her heels into the pillow as she laid back.

After I threw the bag of popcorn in the microwave, I stared at the glop left on the stovetop and shuddered. Maybe I would clean that up after this movie was done, or maybe I could… my mouth watered as I opened the fridge.

“Don’t spoil your appetite! I don’t want any chicken grease on my perfect feet.”

There was enough fried chicken to feed me for the entire weekend—breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Remind me to never be mean to her ever again.

“Took you long enough.” Rebecca kicked the pillow to the floor and patted the seat next to her. “Sit down and I’ll give you a little treat.”

“I think the microwave is broken, it was giving off a funny smell.”

“I think you just don’t know how to push the buttons,” she said as I sat down. “How did you survive this long without knowing how to cook?”

I shrugged. “Never had to.”

Rebecca grimaced as she inspected a few burnt pieces of popcorn.

“That’s just a little crispy. It’s still good.” I picked it out of her fingers and popped it in my mouth—it tasted awful, but I smiled and rubbed my belly.

She dug through the bowl like she was looking for buried treasure.

“You’re getting butter all over your—”

She flipped it over onto Lizzie’s pillow.

“What the hell are you doing!?” I dove onto the floor and frantically swept popcorn into a pile, only to feel a few more hit the back of my head. “They’re going to kill me!”

“Maybe you should learn to cook better.”

“Into the kitchen! Now!”

Her sole crashed onto the pile, grinding it deeper into Lizzie’s pillow. “Did you just try to give me an order?”

“No, no, of course not. It’s just that—”

“Good, because if that was an order,” she lifted her foot and wiggled her toes, “we would have a repeat of your first date.”

I swept the bottom of her foot clean and continued moving everything onto Lizzie’s pillow.

She stomped the back of my head, grinding my face against the pile.

“You’re going to eat every burnt piece. It’s the only way you’ll learn!” She crushed my face as she leaned down and wiped her buttery hands on my shirt. “Is that clear?”

“Please, I’ll go make another batch.”

“I don’t want another batch. It should’ve been made properly the first time.”

I grabbed her leg, only for her to press down even harder.

“Touch me again and you won’t have any more teeth. Now eat!”

I gripped the carpet in my hands and began sucking in as much popcorn as I could. Every swallow had at least a few burnt pieces, spoiling the entire flavor.

“You expect me to eat that shit?” She pressed harder as I nodded no. “Now kiss my foot to make it feel better!”

I kissed and kissed and ate and ate, hoping she would let me up. By the time her foot left the side of my head, my entire mouth tasted like ash. I chewed a few more times and took a strong swallow as I sat up.

Rebecca sank back into the couch and raised her feet. “Come closer.”

I crawled over, then she rubbed the butter all over my hair as she giggled.

“Now go take a shower. You’re a dirty boy!” She hooked her foot around the back of my head and began rubbing her other one on my shirt. “And make sure to change out of those filthy clothes. I won’t kiss you when you’re like that.”

“But I—”

She shut me up with her foot. “I’m the one who makes orders around here.”

I sucked on her toes—they tasted amazing, like straight butter.

“I’ll clean up this mess you made, and when you get out of your shower, we can makeout all night.”

When she popped her toes out, she used my hair to dry her foot, then stuck the other foot in when my mouth never closed.

“And I promise, my mouth will make it worth your while.”

* * *

As I took a shower, I thought of the entire day so far. We were like a real couple—it felt just like the car ride to our first date—giggling, laughing, talking about any topic and having a great time. Even the entire first half of the movie was fantastic.

If only I didn’t burn her popcorn…

Maybe when I headed downstairs, she would be back to normal.

I turned the shower off, wiped the water out of my eyes, and reached for the towel—empty.

I whipped open the curtains—nothing was there. The towel was gone, my clothes were gone.

“Rebecca!? Did you come in here!?”

No response.

I covered myself up with my hand and took a few steps out of the shower. “Come on, this isn’t funny!”

The door creaked as I peeked into the hallway, the lights were all off and I could barely see.

“Can you please get me a towel from the other bathroom?”

I didn’t hear a peep, so I took a deep breath. The other bathroom wasn’t that far away, and I could rush through mom’s room. Hopefully I wouldn’t be leaving wet footprints everywhere.

I turned off the bathroom light and hopped into the hallway. It felt so weird walking around completely naked, like mom or Lizzie would be popping out from behind any corner.

I ran on tiptoes down the hallway, rushing through mom’s room and into the bathroom. When I reached for the towel, I felt the bare metal bar.

The lights flicked on and I whipped around.

“Looking for this?” Rebecca spun a towel in a circle as she giggled.

I thrust one hand out and took a step forward. “Yes! Give it to me!”

“Was that an order?”

“No… of course not.” I swallowed, then jerked my hand back down to cover myself.

She smirked as I felt myself turning red. “You think I’ve never seen someone naked before?”

“Just hand me the towel.”

“What did I say about ordering me around?”

“Please, can you just hand it to me? I’m freezing.”

She hid the towel behind her back. “Move your hands and let me see how shriveled your little pinky is.”

“Stop kidding around. I really need that towel.”

“And I really need to see your little—” She held the towel out, and when I leaped for it, she yanked it behind her back. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it already. Remember our little fun game in the movies?”

I tried reaching behind her back, but she twirled into mom’s room and turned on more lights.

“Just move your hands and let me see.”

“You promise to hand me the towel?”

“I promise.” She held the towel out and shook it.

I slowly moved my hands apart, causing her to giggle.

“Further, like an X. And spread your legs!”

I felt ridiculous as I posed for her, it only caused her to burst into laughter some more as she took a few steps forward.

“Now don’t move! I need to observe.”

She rubbed the towel along my arm and down my chest.

“I didn’t know you had such strong muscles.” Her eyes sparkled as she dried the other side of my body. “You must’ve been doing a lot of practice lately.”

“My blue belt test is next week, so yeah, I’ve been practicing even more than usual.”

“How did you get your abs like that?” she asked as she ran a finger on them. “Still a little sore?”

My arms moved slightly when she jammed her fingers in.

She leaned closer and breathed on my lips. “Move again and you’ll regret it.”

I raised my arms back to their original position and began to feel them burning.

“Good boy.” She gave me a kiss as she ran her pinky further down my abs. “If you flinch again, I won’t get to play with this!”

I twitched when she gripped it in her hand and started rubbing.

“There, it looks happy to see me.” She licked my lips. “Aren’t you glad you took a shower and got squeaky clean for me?”

I nodded yes as she lowered herself and started drying my legs.

“Are you trying to poke my eye out?” She slapped it to the side.

I bit my lip, trying not to budge.

“Good boy!” She dried my foot and began breathing on my groin. “It looks so funny when it bounces back like that.”

I looked down at her as she cupped the towel around my eggs.

“Want me to dry these?”

I nodded. She squeezed.

“What did I say about moving?”

My legs buckled closed as she squeezed even harder.

“Spread ’em!” She began prying my legs apart with one hand. “And don’t close them again!”

My legs were shaking as she gave one tight squeeze, then she loosened up.

“I feel so powerful having my two little eggs in my little itty bitty hand. You’ll do whatever I want.” She squeezed slightly. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

I nodded.

“Very good boy.” She breathed on my crotch again. “What would your mom think if she caught us in her room?”

“She would kill us. You know how she is with guests in here.”

“So you better not make a mess.”

I moaned and tightened my fists as she kneaded my eggs. “My arms hurt, can I put them down now?”

She shrugged, but when I moved my arms an inch, she squeezed even harder and giggled.

“Put your hands behind your back,” she said as she dug in her back pockets—a few karate belts fell to the floor. “And I’ll tie them with this.”

“But I—”

Her squeeze made my arms shoot behind my back. She giggled some more as she crawled behind me and tied my hands.

She slapped my butt. “Now to check it’s working.”

My knees buckled and I crashed to the floor.

“Yep,” she said as she scrunched her fist, “Lizzie’s belt is strong. No way you’re getting out of that.”

I groaned into the carpet as she disappeared into the bathroom. A little while later, she rolled me over with her foot and pressed her toes on my neck.

“One or two?”

I felt her entire weight begin crushing down on my neck. “One! One! You’re number one!”

“I know I am, you didn’t have to tell me twice.” She giggled and let up slightly. “But that’s not what I meant. Are you sure you want one?”

“Yes!”

“Because I found two ‘Egg Breakers’ in the laundry.” My mouth hung open as she took two of mom’s week-old socks out from behind her back. “Looks like she went more than just grocery shopping in these.”

You could barely tell the original color they were so filthy—did she even wear sneakers anymore? I yanked my arms as hard as I could, but it felt like my shoulders would rip out of their sockets.

She stomped on my neck. “One for your mouth!”

I jerked around, trying to get free, but she pressed her foot down even harder, shoving the sock against my mouth.

“Open! Open or I’m going to kill you!”

She put more weight on her foot as I struggled. I began coughing, but kept my mouth as tightly closed as possible as she smeared it all over my face.

She leaned down and pinched my nose. “Just open and I’ll let you breathe!”

I tugged as hard as I could against my restraints, but they only tightened.

She stood full-weight on my neck and bounced. I heard something crack.

Before I could blink, I could already feel the disgusting fabric being shoved down my throat.

“You see? That wasn’t so bad.” She patted my cheek and slapped me a few times with the other sock. “I don’t know why you don’t listen the first time, it would be so much easier for you.”

I coughed and rolled over, but she just kicked me over with a foot in my stomach.

She leaned down and giggled as she pinched. “Don’t you want my warm, hot mouth around your little thing?”

I felt myself hyperventilating as her mouth moved closer. She giggled when her breath caused it to twitch.

“What was that?” She leaned in closer and began kneading my balls between her fingers. “You love sucking on that sock?”

I moaned into the sock.

“You really are one sick freak, you already leaked. Thinking of everywhere your mom went in those things?” She took my tip between her fingers and rubbed, then showed me the stickiness.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on anything else.

“We can’t make a mess in her room now, can we? Want me to repeat your first date using your mom’s little gift?”

My eyes shot open as I screamed and struggled to roll onto my stomach.

I bucked my hips and pulled my arms apart as hard as I could.

“If you don’t stop moving, I’ll punch you until you’re completely empty!”

She gave me one punch as a warning, then looked down at me and smirked when I stopped struggling.

“You know what? I just thought of something even better.”

She kicked my ribs continuously and forced me to the front of mom’s desk, then yanked me up as she kicked out the chair.

“Sit down!” She shoved me in place. “And don’t move.”

My arms were pulled through the back of the chair. When it felt like my shoulders were pulling out of their sockets, the chair tipped back and almost fell over.

She shoved me forward and yanked even harder, giggling when I groaned.

“Can’t ever be too tight!”

She ran a hand down my shoulder as she sat on my lap, then leaned over and began tying my legs with a few more karate belts as she rubbed her butt side-to-side.

“Someone’s really excited.” She bounced a little. “Are you sure you aren’t loving what I put in your mouth?”

I tried pushing it out with my tongue, but all it did was cause the dirt to spread and soak further in. I wanted to throw up.

When my legs were secured, she grabbed the towel off the floor and sat on the desk, resting her foot on the chair between my legs.

“I’m going to give you a choice. If you keep sucking that clean…” She slowly licked her pinky and ran it across her lips, then sucked on it like a lollipop.

The sock suctioned to the back of my throat as I stared at her pinky, then it launched halfway out when her toes pressed into my…

“Or my foot can practice on these until they explode.”

She wiggled her toes as she pressed the sock deeper with her finger. I gagged, which got me a few more slaps with mom’s other sock.

“If you choose 1, I’ll be sure to swallow everything from those little eggs. If you choose 2, I promise you won’t have to be a washing machine.”

She smirked as she ground down harder and pinched the sock, giving it a little tug.

“So what’ll it be?”

I looked up at her and pleaded with my eyes, hoping she would let me out.

When the sock almost left my mouth, I bit down on it.

“Good boy, you must really love the taste.” She smirked as she pressed it all the way back in. “Well it’s a good thing, because I love sucking things completely clean too.”

She placed her foot on my chest and shoved me backwards. My head slammed into the floor. I stared at the ceiling, then was blinded by the towel.

“I don’t like being watched when I perform.”

She giggled as she ran a finger down my leg, then pressed her foot on my stomach and stepped up with both feet.

My chest exploded.

“Great seat.” She bounced her butt a few times as she pet my head. “Now time for the main event! The more you suck, the harder I’ll suck!”

She scooted back and sat on the towel—my entire face was crushed as she wiggled back and forth.

She pressed on my balls and giggled as her hair moved all along my legs.

“Since you can’t squeeze my boobs, give me a huge moan when you’re close to…”

She breathed on my crotch. I sucked on the sock and waited for her warm lips. I moaned as my breathing became quicker.

She began pinching and using her fingers along the tip.

“Is your pinky ready?” She blew hot air.

I scrunched my toes as I felt my crotch twitch. I gave another moan.

“Is it really ready?” She squeezed her fingers as she continued breathing on it.

I felt like I would explode any second. I gave her the biggest moan, and she barely even—

She punched me repeatedly. I screamed into the sock and bucked against the chair, trying to tear my bonds apart.

Her cackling only increased as she punched some more.

The entire chair shook as I jerked and wanted to rip it apart.

“Did you really think my mouth would touch that disgusting thing?”

Fabric sealed my groin. I screamed as she stomped on my crotch and bounced.

“Maybe next time you’ll learn to make better popcorn.”

I screamed at the top of my lungs, trying to roll over. The chair violently jerked a few times as my head smashed into the bottom of mom’s bed. Rebecca gave the chair a few more shoves with her foot, and my head was sealed in darkness.

“Enjoy those yummy socks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Chapter 39

The towel glowed yellow when I woke up.

I shifted my head side to side, trying to use the bottom of the bed to scrape the towel off my eyes. By the time my nose turned raw, I could finally get a peek of actual sunlight.

My arms were killing me from being crushed into the floor all night. Pins and needles shot through me when I scrunched my hands, trying to untangle the belts, but my fingers were uselessly limp.

I had to get out from under here.

I let out a grunt as I slammed my entire body into the chair, but it only earned me my nose smashing multiple times into the metal bedframe.

My face felt like a watermelon, and I barely even moved a millimeter.

I stared down at the thing between my legs and just saw mom’s week-old filth staring back at me. I remembered what was in my mouth, and tried to spit it out, but it stuck to my tongue like flypaper.

I groaned and chewed a bit more, maybe if I got enough saliva, I could spit this thing out.

As I chewed, I couldn’t help but stare at my crotch. I couldn’t believe Rebecca went into mom’s laundry and grabbed those things, they looked completely covered in ash, like she stomped around in burnt popco…

I stopped chewing as I felt the taste of yesterday’s food regurgitate.

Rebecca better come soon, then I can apologize and hope she never brings this up to any—

The refrigerator slammed downstairs.

I stared at the doorway as I smelled the glorious smell of breakfast. My mouth started watering like crazy.

Maybe Rebecca was so distraught over what she did yesterday, she decided to be a great girlfriend and make me eggs. If they tasted fantastic, I might even forgive her for what she did.

I chewed some more on mom’s socks and finally wet them enough to be able to spit them out. My jaw felt so much better, and I made sure to stretch—couldn’t let it lock up while eating eggs!

When I saw two feet appear in the doorway, my heart jumped for joy.

I wiggled my toes. “Took you long enough.”

“What are you doing under there?”

My heart completely fell through the floor.

“Are you naked?”

Coach Baker’s feet walked closer to the bed. I couldn’t speak, my mouth moved, but no sound came out.

“What’s that on your… is that your mom’s?”

Coach Baker yanked on the chair. Within seconds my skin felt severely sunburned, and I squinted as the sun shined directly in my eyes.

“Why are you tied up? What is this?”

“Can you please untie—”

Coach Baker rested one foot on the chair. “Do you want breakfast?”

I nodded. “But can you please—”

“Go get it for you? Of course!”

Coach Baker rushed out of the room as I just stared at the door with my mouth open. When she made her way back in with a plate of eggs, she sat on the bed and crossed her legs.

“Since your mom gave me the key, I thought you might have wanted breakfast in bed.”

“There’s no eating in the—”

“You ate popcorn in another room.” She nudged my cheek with her foot. “Didn’t you?”

I closed my mouth. She wasn’t wrong.

She took a bite of eggs and smiled as she nudged my arm. “So, is this what you do when no one’s around?”

“I was trick—”

She placed her foot on my mouth. “Shhh, I know every excuse in the book.” She took another bite of eggs. “You thought we would have the house all to ourselves this weekend, so you tied yourself up for me. Very kinky.”

I tried to speak, but she pressed down harder.

“But that doesn’t explain this…” She nudged mom’s sock with her toe. “Were mine not good enough? Or you still have those in your locker.”

I stuttered as she ate some more eggs and looked down at me. She tweaked my nose with her toes and giggled.

“It’s okay, I have fresh ones right here. Straight from my daily run.” She ran her toes across my lips.

“But I really—”

She gagged me with her toes. “Want to suck on them?”

I sucked on her toes—they were extremely sweaty and salty, but tasted like gold compared to mom’s.

She continued eating as she wiggled her toes. “Your mom was right, your face is a super comfy footrest.”

I grumbled something, trying to turn my head to the side, but she pressed her feet in harder.

“I’ve met a lot of kinky people in my day,” she said as she rested her other foot on my crotch, “but none of them would ever go near socks like that.”

I couldn’t help but moan as her toes expertly wiggled on mom’s sock.

“Feels so much better without boots on, right?” She took another bite of food. “Now all we need is Lizzie here to rest her feet on you too. Wasn’t that a wonderful breakfast?”

She slid her toes out of my mouth as she placed the plate on the floor.

“Coach Baker, can you please untie me?”

“Why would I do that?” She twirled her fork in her hands. “I’ve got you right where I want you.”

Should I bring up Rebecca? Maybe if I explained what she did, Coach Baker might—

She ground her foot in the eggs. “To be honest, ever since your mom made you eat that popcorn, I couldn’t take my mind off it.”

“Please Coach Baker, I’ve been tied up all night. My arms are—”

She slapped me. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the—”

“I’m not hungry.” My stomach growled.

She glared at me and wiggled her toes, dropping some eggs on my face. “Open up!”

“I’m not—”

Her foot shot directly down my throat. She wiggled her toes and ground the eggs into my tongue. It tasted absolutely amazing, even though it was mixed with all the dirt from last night.

“There, isn’t it yummy?” She giggled as she smashed her other foot into the plate. “And because I ran, I didn’t even have to salt these eggs.”

I sucked the sweat from her sock. When her foot popped out of my mouth, she giggled when my head followed it.

“Can’t get enough, huh?” She shoved her other foot in. “I knew you couldn’t resist.”

I sucked the eggs from this one even faster. Her sweat elevated the taste beyond what I could imagine… mom’s eggs were never this good. When that one left my mouth, she actually giggled.

“Did my eggs do that?” She flicked my erection with her foot. “Want me to take care of that for you?”

My mouth flopped open as I felt my head give a slight nod.

She stomped and stood right on my chest.

“But can you untie me fir—”

“Shut up.” She peeled her sock off and smirked as she hovered it over me. “I like my men vulnerable. Why do you think I break their cups first?”

When she leaned down to shove the sock in, I saw her eyes sparkling as she stared in the distance. When my eyes followed where she was looking, her hand darted out.

“Open up!”

She stomped her heel into my groin. As I screamed, I was shut up with fabric.

“Why didn’t you tell me there was another one?”

My eyes shot open as I tasted complete dirt and ash.

She lifted my head and tied her knee-high sock around my mouth, making sure to press it deep into my nostrils.

“I ran a few miles this morning, you could probably smell it.”

She turned around in place and flicked the tip of mom’s sock with her toes.

“One or two?”

What the fu… What sort of sick—

She gave a little stomp. “One or two?”

I let out two grunts.

“Great choice!” She used her socked foot to prod my crotch. “You must really love filthy socks. I’ll be sure to remember that for next time.”

She flicked a few times, then started rubbing.

“I feel so powerful standing on this carpet. Doesn’t it just make you feel so good?” She giggled as she looked over her shoulder. “How’s my sock?”

I moaned as I sucked and sniffed.

“Your little thingy tells me you love it.” She flicked it with her toe, then continued rubbing. “Isn’t this so much better than the lockers? And I can train your abs at the same time!”

My heart beat faster and faster as I sucked harder and harder.

“Whoa! Slow down!” She stepped on my balls and giggled when my back arched. “I want this moment to last!”

I tried to slow my breathing down, but stared at her as she balanced on one foot and barely rested the other on the chair. My groin felt like it was imploding.

She bounced a few times. “There, it’s shrinking like a balloon.”

I groaned into mom’s sock as she gave a few more bounces, then began running in place on my chest.

She looked down at me and pressed her socked foot into my nose. “Give it a huge sniff!”

I sniffed as hard as I could.

“Another!”

I gave an even bigger sniff.

“And your biggest!”

She stood on my face and pressed one foot on my neck.

I couldn’t breathe, but I gave her the biggest sniff I could as my body violently jerked around. She giggled and bounced a few times, grinding her toes in.

She stepped onto my stomach and looked down, flicking mom’s sock with her toe.

“I didn’t even have to touch it! You must’ve really loved sucking on its twin!” She giggled as she poked my balls. “I’ll be sure to get mine really filthy for you next time. Maybe I can get the entire soccer team to do it too, tell them it’ll be donating to Joshy Woshy’s charity!”

I groaned into the sock and continued sniffing her scent as I stared up at her. She continued playing around for a few minutes, making sure every drop was squeezed out.

When she finally stepped off, she patted my cheek as she picked up the plate. As she took a few steps towards the door, she placed her foot on the chair.

“Well, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow morning.”

She gave me a hard shove back under the bed as I screamed.

“Can’t have you escaping on me before they get home!”

Chapter 40

I had no idea how long I was out for, but it felt like I was knocked out for hours. It was so boring under here constantly breathing in stinky cheese, and every movement made Coach Baker’s sock fumigate even more, so I tried laying as still as a statue.

When I heard some banging downstairs, I jerked awake and tried moving my limp limbs.

“You see? I told you I had my own slave for the weekend.”

I saw four cleats enter the room.

“We can do whatever we want to him!”

My face was crushed as both of them dove on the bed. Rebecca shifted around as the other girl giggled.

“This’ll be even better than the movies!” Rebecca said as she poked her toe in my ribs. “Wouldn’t you say?”

I groaned as the other girl giggled, then started pressing her cleats into my stomach.

“Hold on!” Rebecca disappeared for a few seconds, then threw something on my stomach. “Wipe your feet on Lizzie’s pillow. She won’t mind.”

I felt bits of burnt popcorn and butter crush into me as both cleats sank in. I groaned, but couldn’t even budge my head because of the bed.

“Hold on, I’ve got to take a picture of this!”

Rebecca got off the bed, and as I turned my head, I was blinded by a few flashes of light.

“Perfect, now me!”

Rebecca jumped right onto Lizzie’s pillow and stomped a few times, digging her cleats into me like cat claws.

I was blinded as I saw a few more flashes, then groaned when she stood on one foot.

“Don’t I look like a captain of a ship?” She twisted her foot in as another flash happened. “Should I get one with a foot on his…”

I screamed when her cleat dug between my legs.

“Hurry, take the picture!”

There was giggling as a few more flashes happened, then Rebecca returned to stomping Lizzie’s pillow a few times, causing my nose to smash against the bed.

“I wonder what that bitch is going to say when she sees her pillow ripped to shreds.”

She sat down on the bed, crushing my nose into the bottom of the mattress as she ground her heels in harder.

“Can you believe her? She thinks she’s better than me just because she knows a few stupid karate moves. Do you know what I did with her stupid black belt? I tied Joshy Woshy up with it.”

More giggling as the other girl rested her foot on my leg.

“All that bitch teaches is how to kick eggs and ruin friendships, she doesn’t know any other moves.” Rebecca dug her cleat into me. “Is that what they teach you in karate?”

I screamed and tried breaking free, but the belts wouldn’t budge.

“I guess all those fancy karate moves are useless when you’re tied up.” Rebecca giggled as she shred Lizzie’s pillow. “Maybe I should’ve padded his eggs before the contest.”

Rebecca kicked the remnants of the pillow between my legs, then burst into laughter as the other girl stepped down.

“Hold on, let me get a picture!”

I screamed and jerked around, trying to splinter the chair into a million pieces.

“I think Joshy Woshy really liked that. It’s not every day someone touches his little eggs.”

Rebecca stomped my stomach a few times.

“Shut up! Or I’m going to pull you out and we’re going to take turns standing on your head!”

I bit down on the sock, trying my best to stay quiet.

“You hear that? He’s crying like a little baby.” Rebecca laughed. “I think maybe you should give him one more stomp and then we’ll go to the movies.”

My crotch exploded in pain as it got stomped on a handful of times, then my stomach ripped when Rebecca’s claws dug in.

“I know you hate Lizzie too, but you didn’t have to do it that many times!” Rebecca laughed as she scraped her foot on Lizzie’s pillow.

The circulation in my legs was cut off from how tight the belts were pulling against me.

“You head downstairs. I’ll meet you in my car,” Rebecca said. “I just have a few more things to say to him before we leave.”

I squeezed my fists, hoping Rebecca would untie me and I could pummel her face in.

Rebecca giggled as she fell back on the bed.

“Wasn’t that so fun?” Rebecca used my chest to pry both cleats off, then wiggled extremely sweaty footprints into my chest.

I jerked the chair as hard as I could, but she pressed her feet in stronger as she peeled off her socks.

“When I come back from the movies, I think we should have a little competition. And you’re going to let me win, or else everyone’s going to see those pictures.”

She giggled as she dropped the socks onto my chest and ground them in with her toes.

“I’ll leave you with these two little gifts to sniff on while I’m gone. You’re probably sick of your mom’s smell already.”

When she leaned down to look under the bed, her eyes opened wide. She kicked the chair, forcing my head out, then burst into laughter.

“Is that Freak Breaker’s sock?” She stifled a giggle as she pressed it with her fingers. “Now this changes everything…”

* * *

I jerked awake when I heard a window thump in Lizzie’s room. Someone was breaking in!

The robber stubbed their toe in the hallway and cursed, then made their way to my room, probably to steal my action figure—it was the most valuable thing in this entire house.

Rebecca’s socks blocked my view, so I nudged a gap between them with my nose. I stared at the doorway and hoped the robbers would just steal what they wanted and leave. If one action figure was the price to pay for nobody else seeing me like this, I would gladly pay.

I heard more banging as doors opened and closed as they probably looted everything.

As long as they didn’t come in here, I would be fi—

The light flicked on.

I squinted, and tried my best to break free.

“What the hell is this?”

I jumped for joy when I heard Julia’s voice and began muffling noises through my gag.

The chair was dragged out as Julia burst into laughter.

“Who did you piss off this time?” Julia pinched her nose as she knocked a few socks away. “Did Lizzie do this before they left?”

I nodded no as she pulled a magnifying glass out of her pocket.

“Detective Julia on the case.” She leaned uncomfortably close and began looking up my nostrils. “Were you sniffing so hard that Lizzie’s fuzzies got up your nose?”

I jerked my head away and tried to explain.

“Shh.” Julia pressed her finger to my lips. “I can’t concentrate on my clues when you make all that noise!”

She dug into her trenchcoat and took out a plastic bag marked ‘Evidence’, then used it to pick up socks as if she was picking up dog poop.

“Hmmm, these don’t look like Lizzie’s.” She inspected the bag with her magnifying glass. “Are these your girlfriend’s?”

I nodded no and tried to speak again, but she waved me away and kicked my chair.

“I said stop interrupting!” She took one whiff and gagged as she zipped the bag closed. “Definitely not Lizzie’s or your mom’s, I know their horrible smell anywhere!”

I tried pleading with my eyes, but Julia ignored me as she inspected the different karate belts.

“All these signs point to Lizzie punishing you for something.” Julia smirked. “Maybe not telling her who your new girlfriend is.”

I struggled against the belts and tried to tell Julia—

“Do you want me to untie you?”

I screamed yes as loud as I could.

“Was that a no?”

I screamed again, and she shrugged.

“You really are a weird one. I don’t know why you would want to stay like that.”

I tried my best to spit out mom’s sock, but it was completely dried to my tongue.

Julia nudged my ribs with her toes, causing me to giggle as I jerked away.

“Why did you leave the movies? Who did you leave with?” She tickled my side with her toes. “You know, they made me have to pay again after I left. I was in such a hurry to chase after you, I dropped my ticket inside.”

I jerked around and laughed as she continued tickling.

“You owe me the price of a ticket, jerk-face.”

She switched feet and started using her hands as I violently thrashed around.

“Make it three! Nod if you agree!”

I nodded and nodded, but she continued her tickling assault.

“Now tell me who your girlfriend is!”

I muffled a response, but she kept tickling me as she leaned in.

“I can’t hear you! You said more tickling?”

I was laughing so hard I would do anything to get out of this, so I screamed out the first name that came to mind.

Julia stopped tickling.

“Did you say who I think you said?”

I nodded and stared up at her as she dug through her pockets. I felt my eyes almost pop out of my head as she flicked a card in my face.

“I found this in the clothes pile in the middle of your room.” She used her magnifying glass to look closer as she gave it a sniff. “So while you were home alone, you called this prostitute to have a ball. And instead, she did this to you? That’s why you can’t go calling random numbers! I didn’t know you were that desperate to find a ‘girlfriend’.”

Julia stepped on my stomach and pressed down.

“Now, I’m going to take that sock out of your mouth, and I want you to tell me the whole truth.” She twisted her foot. “And if I sense one little lie out of your itty bitty mouth, it’s going right back in. Understand?”

I let out a whimper as I opened as wide as I could.

She leaned down and pinched the sock. “Remember what I said about liars…”

The sock peeled out of my mouth like a glue trap.

“Julia, you have to let me—”

“We all know whose sock that is.” Julia giggled as she zipped the other ‘Evidence’ bag closed. “But the real mystery is, how did it get that much filth on it? You must’ve done a very poor job cleaning it! It looks about as dirty as the one on your—”

I grunted as I swallowed. “Julia, you have to let me—”

“How much did you pay?”

“Nothing!”

I groaned as she pressed her heel down harder. “Is that why she beat you up and shoved you under here?”

“Of course not.” I violently shook my head. “You have to let me—”

“Go to the bathroom?”

Julia pressed on my bladder as she leaned over. “Do you want to do peepee on yourself? Or are you going to tell me what that prosti—”

“Just untie me!”

“Maybe I should just push you back under and act like I never—”

“Okay, okay.” I groaned when she pressed her heel in harder. “When I didn’t pay she tied me up and shoved me under here.”

“Good suspect.” Julia rubbed my hair. “You see? That wasn’t so hard. I knew I would solve this case eventually.”

She leaned down and began untying my arms. When my first hand was free, I shot it down and covered myself.

“I didn’t know me and Lizzie teased you so much that you would stoop so low to pay an imaginary girlfriend.” Julia giggled as she kicked my ribs lightly. “If you really wanted someone to go out with, you could’ve just asked. I have lots of friends. I could’ve even told them about your favorite…”

She crossed her eyes and cracked up as she kicked around a few of the feathers from the shredded pillow. “Is this Lizzie’s? You know they’re going to kill you when they—”

When she untied the final belt, I rolled out of the chair and sprinted into mom’s bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. I threw mom’s sock into the corner as I relieved myself, and when I was done, I turned red as I looked around for something to cover myself with—the towels were gone, and all my clothes were in my—

I slowly opened the door and peeked into the room.

“Julia? Can you please get me some clothes from my—”

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” Julia screamed from downstairs. “Maybe it’s your imaginary girlfriend back for revenge!”

Chapter 41

I threw on some boxers and was desperately flinging clothes out of dressers when I heard a knock on the door.

“Joshy Woshy,” Julia said as she jiggled the doorknob, “some people are here to see you.”

I grunted as I threw on my gi.

“They said your mom wanted them to check up on—”

I whipped open the door.

Julia giggled. “Why are you wearing that outfit?”

“I wanted to practice.”

“So you don’t get tied up again?” Julia smirked as she flicked my belt. “I probably wouldn’t wear that if I were you. We wouldn’t want a repeat of that prostitute situa—”

I shoved her out of the way as I made my way downstairs, leaping off the final steps and rolling into a sweet landing.

“Wow,” Coach Baker said between claps, “that was almost as good as your mom’s.”

“She jumped off the steps?” Rebecca’s mom stopped clapping. “Are we talking about the same person?”

“Yep.” Coach Baker giggled as she smirked. “Except she had some padding at the bottom. Isn’t that right, Joshy Woshy?”

I made my way into the middle of the carpet as both of them ground their toes into foot-pillows, looking like they were already right at home. They were both wearing their full ‘Egg Breaker’ outfits, matching exactly.

“Do you two need anything to drink?” Julia shoved her way through me on her way to the kitchen. “Joshy’s such a rude host.”

Rebecca’s mom scrunched her toes. “Can you open a bottle of wine?”

“Wine would be perfect!” Coach Baker did the same.

“Sure.” Julia shrugged. “My Aunt Nikki probably dropped off six cases last time she was here. Probably wouldn’t notice one bottle missing.”

“She counts every single…” I shut up when Julia glared at me. “Maybe she wouldn’t notice one.”

Both women giggled while I gulped.

“So,” Rebecca’s mom said, “you must’ve been practicing a lot since our last fight.”

I tightened my belt and threw a few punches.

“He’s been eating a lot of eggs too.” Coach Baker smirked at me as she wiggled her foot in my direction.

“His eggs were in his throat the last time I was over here!” Rebecca’s mom cackled as she kicked her foot in the air. “Lizzie’s self-defense training was fantastic.”

“I know, she’s a great teacher.” Coach Baker crossed her eyes. “Did you hear about the movie ticket competition?”

Rebecca’s mom glared at me. “Rebecca told me all about it. She even took it out on my son, he was crying for days!”

Julia came marching in with three glasses of wine and placed them gently on the table.

“Put that in the kitchen,” I said, reaching for the glasses, “you know mom doesn’t allow—”

Julia smacked my hand away. “Stop being rude. Do you see her here?”

Both women leaned over and reached for their glasses.

“We’ll be careful,” Rebecca’s mom said. “And if not, then you’ll just have to take the blame.”

Coach Baker giggled as she took a sip. “So you better do what we say!”

“Plus, who’s going to tell?” Julia shrugged as she picked up the wine glass. “I sure won’t.”

“Are you even old enough to—”

Julia shot her a glare. “Old enough to pour, old enough to drink!”

Rebecca’s mom giggled as she swigged her entire glass down. “I used to drink all the time until I had Rebecca.”

Julia leaned back and drank her glass quietly, grimacing after every sip. I so wanted to smack the glass out of her hands, but it would probably spill all over the couch, and then I would be in some serious trouble.

Coach Baker squeezed the pillow between her feet as she savored the wine. “I barely get to drink because of coaching. Make sure to keep this secret between us.”

The other two zipped their lips.

“Great minds think alike!” Julia took another sip as she threw the imaginary key over her shoulder.

Rebecca’s mom smirked as she stuffed hers down her shirt. “Are you sure you aren’t my long-lost daughter?”

Julia giggled as she drank some more. “I could pretend to be a superstar soccer player.”

“And I could train you!” Coach Baker kneed the air as all of them laughed.

I burned red as I remembered the last time Coach Baker used that move… I ran as quickly as I could for the kitchen.

“Going to grab us cheese?” Rebecca’s mom asked.

“If he knows what’s good for him,” Julia said, “he’ll be a great host and we won’t have to move a muscle!”

I opened the fridge and saw all that leftover chicken. I wanted to devour it all, my stomach felt like I didn’t eat for weeks, but knowing it came from that no-good psycho Rebecca… but it was chicken.

As I grabbed a block of cheese, a piece of chicken just so happened to move itself into the microwave. As the timer counted down, I cut the cheese into little cubes for the three guests.

When I brought the plate out, it was a completely different atmosphere. All three were cackling like little schoolgirls. When I placed the cheese-plate down, one of them made a fart noise.

“Who cut the cheese?”

They all burst into laughter and turned as red as tomatoes.

I spun on my heels and rushed as quickly as I could back into the safety of the kitchen. As soon as I passed the doorway, the microwave beeped. Luckily, that beautiful piece wasn’t turned to charcoal and everything heated up perfectly! I was getting better at cooking already!

I dove into my chair and burned my mouth on the first piece. As I huffed and puffed, trying to suck cold air into my mouth, Julia slapped my back.

“Don’t choke!” Julia patted me again. “It’s called chewing.”

I tried to say something as Julia grabbed another bottle, but my mouth was still burning.

“Those two are hilarious. Why didn’t you tell me they both kicked you?”

I almost choked as the chicken shot down my throat.

Julia patted my back some more. “Thinking of the time I stomped on you right there? Should I tell them about it?”

The chicken launched back onto my plate and I repeatedly coughed as Julia rubbed.

“You’re right, that would be too cruel.” Julia popped the bottle open. “Maybe I’ll just tell them about the time I made you clean my feet behind the bleachers.”

I whipped around in my chair, but Julia was already gone into the other room. Staring down at the chicken, all I could imagine was that day. I shuddered and shoved the plate away as I tasted foot-spice in my mouth.

Anything would be better than going back into that room, so I might as well take care of some chores before Lizzie and mom came home from vacation.

Flipping over the pan of glop and smacking it upside down did nothing—it was completely glued in there, and when the water hit it, the smell radiated out and was worse than Lizzie’s socks. Maybe I should just toss it right into the dishwasher, that would take care of it at the push of a button, and it’ll come out sparkling clean. I gave the pan a few more smacks, then threw it right in and looked around the kitchen for another chore.

“Oh Joshy Woshy,” Rebecca’s mom said, “can you bring me an orange?”

I grabbed it out of the fruit bowl and rushed over. All three giggled and got very quiet as I came in.

“Here you go,” I said, swinging it underhand, “I’ll toss it to you.”

“Give it to me here!” Rebecca’s mom thrust out her hand. “You hand things to a lady, not throw them!”

I marched over and placed it in her hand. “Is that all, your majesty?”

“That is all, slave.” Rebecca’s mom patted my cheek as all three giggled. “You may turn around and go back to the kitchen now.”

As soon as I turned on my heels, my legs clamped closed as I felt excruciating pain between them.

“Told you it would work!” Rebecca’s mom laughed as she pried her fist out.

Julia cracked up. “I never saw anyone get punched before!”

When I fell onto my stomach, groaning and holding myself, Coach Baker shoved me onto my back with her feet.

“She was telling us how they all used you as a footrest after their match.” Coach Baker scrunched her toes on my chest. “You’re right, he is pretty comfy!”

Julia slid into Coach Baker and rested her feet on my legs as Rebecca’s mom began peeling her orange. Groaning and trying to roll over, she kicked my head as she ate a slice.

“Stop whining like a baby, I didn’t even hit you that hard.”

Coach Baker dug her heels into my chest. “What else did you do after your karate match?”

“All four of us wore different colored belts as headbands, and then we whipped our shoes at his junk.”

All three of them burst into laughter as I groaned.

“It’s true!” Julia dug her foot into my legs. “I wish I could’ve been there!”

“While he was groaning on the floor like a baby, I actually made him smell my flipflops.” Rebecca’s mom laughed as she peeled an orange. “He actually said they smelled like oranges!”

“Are you serious?” Julia laughed. “Is that why he rushed in here with it?”

“Because it reminded him of that day?” Rebecca’s mom shoved her feet in my face. “Sniff!”

I jerked my head to the side, but all six feet stomped into me.

“When Rebecca called me a few hours ago to get Coach Baker, she told me to put that lotion on!”

“Didn’t his mom call you?” Julia jammed her heel into me and laughed.

“Oh, right. That’s what I meant…” Rebecca’s mom wiggled her toes. “I’ve had a little too much to drink. Good thing I’m eating this orange.”

“Never drink on an empty stomach, Jules. Every meal is super important, especially breakfast.” Coach Baker rested back on the couch and jammed her feet into her foot-pillow as she rubbed my stomach. “Especially eggs, isn’t that right?”

“He already knows that,” Julia said, “he eats eggs every day.”

“I wouldn’t mind reminding him of his eggs every day.” Rebecca’s mom cracked up as she pressed her toes in my neck, then laid on the couch as well. “Jules, could you grab me my flipflops?”

“I’ll do you even better!” Julia rushed over to the shoe rack and came back with a pile of shoes. “I think we should play that game you told us about!”

I rolled over and darted for the stairs. This time I would dodge at the last—

A shoe banged against the steps.

I laughed as I made it halfway up the steps and dodged another shoe.

When I made it to the top of the steps, and knew I was safe, I turned around and gave Julia the finger through the wall.

“Your aim sucks, bitch!”

I heartily laughed as I heard some gasps from downstairs.

As I turned around, my face smashed right into a sweaty foot. Toes wiggled on my forehead, and it gave me a shove. I fell in slow motion as my head thudded, smashing into every single step.

Next thing I knew, I was staring at the ceiling through my fingers, and Julia was holding a pile of shoes above me.

“What was that, bitch?” Julia whipped a shoe directly in my groin. “My aim sucks?” She whipped another one.

Rebecca’s mom whipped one of her flipflops. “Oh hi, honey, how did you get in here?”

“I went through Lizzie’s room.” Rebecca made her way down the steps. “You know he gave you the finger when he thought nobody was looking.”

Julia’s eyes burned with rage as she grabbed a cleat from Rebecca’s hands.

“Oh, did he now…”

Chapter 42

Last night was hell. All four practiced shoe-throwing, telling me it was the only way I could get better at dodging. Rebecca and Julia ran upstairs to grab all the colored belts, Coach Baker taught them how to tie even stronger knots, and Rebecca’s mom had a huge laugh when they joked about tying me to a chair in the middle of the floor.

I squinted and groaned as Rebecca’s mom opened the sleeping bag and untied her flipflops from around my nose.

“I’ve been thinking about these since I woke up,” she said as she slipped them on both feet and ground my belt into the floor. “Want some freshly squeezed orange juice?”

“I think he’s had enough oranges for one night,” Coach Baker said. “I think I’ll make him some eggs.”

“Did someone say eggs?” Julia slammed a foot into my groin. “I’ll have two!”

“Me too.” Rebecca ground her feet on my cheek.

“Wasn’t that movie great last night?” Julia asked.

“Yeah,” Coach Baker said as she turned on the stove, “pretty amazing.”

Rebecca’s mom laughed. “The best part was when he got kicked right in the eggs!”

Julia wiggled her foot around as everyone laughed. “That was Joshy’s favorite part too! When me and Lizzie watched it, he wanted us to rewind it so many times. He was trying to analyze how to dodge kicks to the groin.”

“He definitely needs that,” Rebecca’s mom said. “Too bad they didn’t throw shoes in the movie. Did you see how many times I hit him last night?”

Rebecca wiggled her toes on my cheek. “It’s because I stuck those egg magnets on.”

Rebecca’s mom raised her foot and showed me the filthy sole of her flipflop—two egg stickers were staring right at me.

“Can someone please untie me?” I tugged slightly at the belt around my hands. “My arms fell asleep and they really hurt.”

Coach Baker filled a few plates with scrambled eggs, then looked down at me. “Rebecca and Jules learned how to tie like pros, huh?”

“Where did you learn to tie so good?” Julia asked.

“Oh, just places.” Coach Baker smirked, then walked back to the stove and started cooking another batch of eggs. “How do you think I keep my girls in line when they break the rules?”

Rebecca’s mom sat in my seat and jammed her feet on my chest. “Is it true you tied a troublemaker to the goalposts and had girls kick soccer balls at him?”

Rebecca cracked up. “I remember that rumor when you first started coaching us.”

“How do you think I got my nickname?” Coach Baker flipped mom’s towel over her shoulder as she laughed.

“Is that why you aren’t allowed to coach the boys’ soccer team anymore?” Julia asked.

“Actually, I just love teaching girls how to kick balls.”

“So that’s why we all get along so well.”

Coach Baker cracked up even more. “You could say that.”

Rebecca pressed a heel on my forehead. “Maybe next practice we could do that to Joshy. I think it would be great training for the team.”

“Even the moms could join in!” Rebecca’s mom pressed her foot on my groin.

“Maybe it could be another fundraiser,” Rebecca said. “Like when you throw a ball at the watertank and dunk the person in.”

Rebecca’s mom clapped. “Or we could throw shoes!”

I groaned and moved around. “That doesn’t sound like a good—”

Coach Baker plopped both feet on my face. “It sounds fantastic. Then they can choose between kicking a soccer ball or throwing a cleat!”

“That would be amazing!” Julia slapped the table. “I’m going to tell Lizzie right away. She’ll love it.”

“When are they coming home?”

“Within an hour,” Julia said, “so I’m going to need you three out of here.”

I jerked my head sideways. “Can someone please untie me now so I can eat my eggs?”

“Sorry, I forgot you were down there,” Coach Baker said as she wiggled her toes on my cheek. “I only made enough for the four of us.”

“He’s such a good footrest, even you forgot about him!” Rebecca’s mom placed a few pieces of orange on the floor in front of me. “You can eat those if you want.”

I stared at the oranges as they were crushed under the flipflop, then tried jerking my head away when it started heading towards me.

“These eggs are so good,” Rebecca said as her mom forced orange chunks through my lips. “What did you put in here?”

“I learned a new recipe this weekend.” Coach Baker wiggled her toes on my cheek. “I thought of it while on my morning run yesterday.”

“No wonder Joshy Woshy loves eggs so much,” Julia said. “Too bad he won’t get to try these.”

“Well if I remembered he was eating, I would’ve made them extra special just for him.”

Rebecca’s mom chuckled as she scraped more oranges into me. “I think he loves them so much, he would eat it off your filthy shoe!”

“Or out of her shoe!” Julia said.

“After a run!” Rebecca said as they all cracked up.

“Yep, you caught me.” Coach Baker scrunched her toes against my cheek. “That’s my special ingredient! Slimy, salty sweat!”

They all burst into laughter as Rebecca’s mom cleaned the sole of her flipflop on the edge of my pillow, then slipped both feet back onto my chest. Before I could talk, Coach Baker’s toes went right into my mouth.

“Thank you so much for the amazing breakfast, coach.” Rebecca pulled her chair back. “Me and my mom had a great weekend with you two.”

“Yeah.” Rebecca’s mom jammed her heel in. “My aim got even better than the first time! Thanks for giving me those tips, Jules.”

“My pleasure, mates. It’s just like throwing boomerangs!” Julia said in an Australian accent. “And let’s make sure Lizzie never finds out about this.”

Rebecca’s mom made a zipping noise as she used my ribs to press her chair back. “And throw away the key!”

Julia laughed as she headed to the back door to let them out.

“Before we go, there’s something Lizzie and his mom would love. I think it would earn you a lot of bonus points.” Rebecca started whispering something to Julia.

“That’s genius.” Julia cracked up as she sprinted upstairs.

Coach Baker wiggled her toes. “What did you tell her?”

I heard a ziplock bag open as Julia looked under the table and laughed. “So that’s why he was so quiet!”

“What can I say,” Coach Baker said, “I didn’t want us to be bothered while we ate.”

“Well pop those suckers out and stick this in there.” Julia pinched her nose as she shook mom’s filthy socks.

I screamed for less than a second before I was silenced, jerking around and thrashing as hard as I could.

Julia laughed as she kicked my head a few times and shoved it into the sleeping bag, zipping it completely closed, sealing me in darkness.

“Now help me get this to the front door!”

My body was lifted and slammed onto the ground, then Julia jumped with two feet onto my stomach.

“Oh my goodness!” Julia stomped. “Hurry out the back door, they just pulled up!”

There was a huge commotion as everyone scrambled and an avalanche erupted.

“Forget about the shoe rack!” Julia stepped a few times. “I’ll take care of it! Just run!”

A stampede made their way out the back when a door slammed into my ribs.

“Julia?” mom asked. “What’s blocking the door?”

“Oh, sorry.” Julia stepped off and gave me a few kicks. “I thought I left enough room.”

“Enough room for what?” Lizzie asked as the door pressed even harder into my ribs.

The sleeping bag was dragged back slightly.

“Wow! I love it!” Mom said. “We have one for the front door now too.”

“Perfect timing,” Lizzie said as two feet stepped on me, “our hiking boots are filthy.”

“We walked trails for miles and drove for hours. My feet are killing me.” Mom scraped her feet on my leg. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing,” Julia said, “just wanted to stop by and give Joshy Woshy some company.”

“What a great idea,” Lizzie said as a heavy bag landed on my legs. “Where is the little squirt?”

“When I got here he was gone, probably out with C.B. And this entire shoe rack was knocked over.”

“How could he leave this house so filthy?” Mom stomped a little on my stomach. “He knows how important my shoe rack is.”

“Maybe we should give him some extra karate training when he gets home.” Lizzie giggled.

“Yeah.” Mom used her heel against my ribs to pop her shoe off. “And force him to give us some Joshy Woshy Massagys!”

“Jules, did you get new cleats? Why are you holding it like that?”

“Boomerang training, bitch,” Julia said.

All three cackled as my groin exploded. I screamed and tried to curl into a ball, but the heavy bag held my legs down.

“Only a dozen more pairs to go!”

Chapter 43

All three of them brought the luggage in, making sure to step on me every time. My abs were throbbing and my entire groin felt like it had swollen to a hundred times normal size. When mom and Lizzie disappeared into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat, Julia finally dragged me out of the sleeping bag.

“Enjoyed boomerang training?” Julia opened her evidence bag and slapped my cheek a few times. “Open!”

I opened my mouth as she pinched the socks and rapidly sealed them in.

“Sorry about that.” She dragged me up and put my arm around her shoulder. “I’ll help you get up to your bed.”

“Why did you—”

“Do you want them to find out what Detective Jules found this weekend?”

I nodded no.

“Then don’t say anything to Lizzie.” Julia slapped the side of my head lightly. “If you didn’t call me such a horrible name and give me the finger, you would’ve never been in this predicament.”

I winced as we made it up the first steps.

“They really hurt, huh?”

I winced on the next step, and started panting.

“Once we make it to the top of the steps, I’ll be sure to grab you some medicine.”

I couldn’t think straight as every step hurt more than the last.

“Wow, you look as green as a cucumber.” Julia rubbed my back as we made it to the top. “Do you think you’re going to be okay for this weekend?”

She rushed into the bathroom and shoved a few pills into my hands—I gulped them faster than Aunt Nikki, grunting with every movement. Julia gently pressed me down onto my pillow, then tucked me in.

“Feels good to finally be in your own bed, huh?” Julia rubbed my back and kissed my forehead. “Maybe that’s why you shouldn’t call prostitutes, they backstab you and make your crotch burn in pain. Didn’t they teach you about the dangers of them at school?”

Julia giggled as I tried to roll over, and used her foot in my ribs to help me. She gave my back one final rub, then made her way to the doorway.

“Sorry, Josh. I love you…” Julia looked down at the floor. “I’ll be right back with the bag of peas.”

I was in so much pain, I didn’t even hear her leaving, but I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

* * *

I jerked awake.

“Where’s my pillow?” Lizzie smashed the bag of peas with her foot.

“Mom!” I grabbed her leg as she used the wall to help balance on one foot.

“No one’s here to save you. Her and Jules went shopping.” Lizzie bounced. “Now where the hell is my—”

“It’s gone!”

Lizzie’s sunglasses burst into flames.

“It was ripped to shreds!”

“Who did it?”

“She snuck in here and tied me up and—”

“I said who!”

I screamed as Lizzie jumped a few times.

“It was that dead bitch walking, wasn’t it?”

I nodded and nodded.

“I would recognize that cleat anywhere. Why did Jules have it?”

“I was trying to—”

“I knew something was fishy.” Lizzie dropped down with a foot on either side of me. “She was acting very suspicious the instant we got home. Did you do something to her?”

“I called her—”

“Bitch?” Lizzie smirked as she crossed her arms. “I figured that much. I’m surprised mom didn’t scream like a banshee for using it, but she probably thought Jules was playing an Australian.”

I let out a large breath as I readjusted the peas.

“What did that stupid ex-friend want with you? Revenge?”

“We were—”

“I knew I should’ve locked my window.” Lizzie flipped up her sunglasses with her nightstick and looked down at me. “Julia told me she wanted to come visit you, but I should’ve known Rebecca would take advantage of me being gone.”

“She ripped up your pill—”

“I’m going to tear her face off.” Lizzie cracked her knuckles. “Why didn’t you use your karate moves to fight her off?”

“I was trying to—”

“But she tricked you with buckets of chicken?” Lizzie smirked as she rubbed a toe in my ribs.

Since I kept getting cut off, I just decided to shut up.

“You really need to stop getting distracted with chicken.” Lizzie pressed her foot on my nose. “Maybe me and Jules should stick more foot-spice in there!”

I jerked around and screamed as her foot stuck to me like glue.

“This is for your own good.” She wiggled her toes as she laughed. “This little chicken leg will turn you off chicken forever. That’s 3 days worth of hiking foot-spice.”

I tried to knock her off the bed, but she stepped onto my chest.

“Is this how easily she captured you?”

I screamed as loud as I could and jerked around, smashing into the floor. Lizzie leaped off the bed onto my back.

“With those crappy moves, you’ll never get the next belt.”

I wiggled around like a trapped turtle as I screamed.

“Shut up or the neighbors will think a murder is happening.” Lizzie pressed a heel on my head. “Well, you are getting murdered by a black belt.”

I decided to lay as still as possible. If it wasn’t as fun for her, she would stop.

She wiggled her toes on my head. “So, did Coach Baker stop by? Did she free you?”

I laid as still as possible, trying to forget about that morning.

“She called me and mom while we were driving to the mountains, said she made you the best breakfast you ever ate.” Lizzie ground her toe in my cheek, dragging it towards my mouth. “Did she add some extra foot-spice in there?”

I jerked my head to the side and screamed.

“Your entire face is turning red, it must be true!” Lizzie cackled as she slapped her knee and stepped off of me.

As I tried to get on my hands and knees, Lizzie slammed her foot into my back.

“Stay down!” Lizzie pressed me into the carpet and stepped over me. “You know what’s going to happen for letting that bitch destroy my pillow?”

As soon as her hands headed for the greatest action figure, I leaped up like a cheetah. She whirled away as I slammed into the dresser.

“This is mine now.”

The rage built up inside me as I dashed down the steps. She rolled over the couch, and when I went to hurdle over it, she shoved it. I crashed onto the cushions and groaned as she jumped off my stomach.

The front door opened as mom and Julia walked in.

“Perfect timing, honey!” Mom placed a few shopping bags down. “I could use my number 1 massager.”

Lizzie pretended to snap my action figure in half and gave me a smirk as she disappeared up the steps.

“We also went food shopping,” Julia said. “And your mom taught me her favorite new hobby!”

“Isn’t it so much fun?” Mom laughed, sitting on the armrest and placing her feet on me. “And Julia told me all about how much fun you two had this weekend.”

“Yeah,” Julia said, “we did some serious training together. I had to get him ready.”

“You know what will make your booboos go away?” Mom reached under the couch and pulled out my childhood pillow.

“Is that what I think it is?” Julia giggled.

“What’s the problem? It’s cute!”

“It has pink baby ducks on it.”

“Like I said, it’s cute! It’ll make his stomach all better.”

Julia stifled another giggle. “That isn’t where his booboos were though.”

Mom gasped as she dropped the pillow in my crotch. “You got him in the eggs?”

I tried to curl into a ball as Julia burst into laughter and mom pressed the pillow with her foot.

“It’s okay, my magic foot will make it all go away.” Mom chuckled as she pressed me back into the couch. “But I’m going to need you to recharge me by giving me a massage first.”

“I could use one too.” Julia dove onto the other couch, squishing a foot-pillow between her soles.

“There’s nothing better after days of hiking.”

“Did you even wash your feet yet?” Julia laughed as she pinched her nose. “The entire car smelled like stale bread!”

“Good thing Joshy doesn’t need a nose to massage.” Mom wiggled a filthy foot in my direction. “And if you don’t give us amazing ones, I’m going to give Lizzie permission to practice egg-breaking all week!”

Chapter 44

Rounding the corner, I saw Lizzie breaking eggs into a pan—this was the fifth day in a row of being forced to eat her slop—it was even worse than mine.

Lizzie grumbled and flipped mom’s towel over her shoulder as I sat down.

“I don’t know why I’m being punished for you giving such a bad Joshy Massagy!”

I fiddled with the little spice-holder. Maybe today the pepper would make it edible, or maybe I could drown it in salt—better yet, both.

“Why did you have to hurt Jules’s foot and have her complain to mom?”

While we were watching TV, Julia kept dropping her heels into me. I gave her one little smack and then she—

“Enjoy.” Lizzie slammed the plate down in front of me. “And you better tell mom you love it or I’ll make sure you can’t even take two steps across the mat on your big day.”

As Lizzie stomped upstairs to wake mom up, I poked the eggs a few times with my fork—it bounced back. If I threw it away maybe nobody would notice, but knowing my luck, it would rattle around in the garbage can like a bouncy ball right as mom walked in.

I really wished there was more chicken left over from the weekend. That night, when I came down for my midnight chicken-snack, Lizzie was adding her personal foot-spice to it. What did the chicken ever do to deserve that?

“Good morning, honey!” Mom gave me a kiss on the forehead as she headed for the fridge. “Isn’t this so wonderful getting to sleep in? Lizzie should make you breakfast every day!”

Would it stick to the plate if I flipped it over?

Mom shook a box towards me. “Orange juice?”

I felt myself turning white as she poured a glass.

“You’ve been acting very strange this past week. Nervous for your big day?” She sat at the table and looked around, then spoke in a whisper. “Rebecca’s mom is even going to be there to cheer you on.”

Lizzie popped her head around the corner, glaring through her sunglasses.

Mom looked at her and giggled. “Trying to protect Joshy Woshy so he doesn’t get any more booboos?”

Lizzie grunted and disappeared back into the living room.

“The mom who won’t be named told me oranges will make you stronger.” Mom pushed the glass towards me. “You know what else is funny? You know stomping on grapes to make wine? She said some places even do that with oranges. Wouldn’t that be great?”

I stared down at the floor and saw mom’s wiggling toes.

“Can you imagine eating oranges that people stepped on? Maybe I already tested it with these flipflops.” Mom laughed as she pushed the glass closer. “Freshly squeezed! Can’t know unless you try it!”

I shoved the plate away. “Can I go practice?”

“Not until you finish your breakfast,” mom said as she took a sip.

Maybe I could bounce the eggs out the back door and chase after it, then get hit by a car in the street.

“You haven’t even touched your chicken all week. What’s wrong?”

“Nerves,” I said as I threw a few punches. “What if I lose?”

“There’s no way you could lose! Not with your…” Mom leaped out of her chair and began cheering, running to the window and trumpeting to the entire neighborhood.

While she wasn’t looking, I chucked the eggs right into the trash—no bounce—not that anyone would be able to hear it.

Mom finally spun around and struck a pose. “Everyone’s going to be there cheering for you!”

“Even Aunt Nikki?”

“Especially Aunt Nikki! And if sensei doesn’t let you win…” Mom crossed her eyes and held herself. “The Egg-Breaking Sisters will have to pay him a visit.”

“There’s no way you would even get near him!”

“He would be distracted by all the festivities going on outside.” Mom pulled a pamphlet out of her pocket and began showing me for the tenth time. “We got the water dunking, a giant ball pit, a bouncy castle…”

I zoned out and continued practicing punches and kicks as she explained how Julia and her drew new signs and came up with new ways to raise money.

“… and if he doesn’t let Aunt Nikki win that 3rd place prize, I’ll just have to distract him while she shows all the women what real self-defense looks like!” Mom laughed as my legs closed. “Nobody stands in the way of her and her wine!”

I wondered if I should warn sensei…

Mom copied a few of my moves. “You should probably tell sensei to listen to Egg Breaker Mom tonight if he knows what’s good for him!”

“Will you tell him to give me the next belt?”

“I won’t just tell him,” mom kneed the air a few times, “I’ll make him give you that belt!”

I chuckled nervously as I brought the empty plate towards the sink.

“Wow, did you eat that while I was talking?”

“Yep, it was—”

Lizzie smacked the fridge with her nightstick.

“… delicious, I loved it.”

Lizzie smirked as she grabbed a glass and pushed me out of the way on her way to the sink.

“Looks like I have a new egg-cooking master!” Mom gave Lizzie a kiss on the cheek.

“And you have an egg-kicking master too!” Lizzie said. “He’s great at getting kicked in the eggs!”

Mom and Lizzie burst into laughter.

“It’s true! So he better wear his cup today.” Mom pinched my cheeks. “But I think I’m the egg-kicking master, he’s just an egg-eating master.”

I shrugged mom’s arm away and rushed for the steps.

“Make sure you brush your teeth before practice!” Lizzie yelled.

“Or Mrs. Breaker’s going to visit you!” mom screamed as I reached the top of the steps. “And she’ll be making sure you have all your equipment on before we leave!”

Chapter 45

I was a celebrity—as soon as we pulled up, a group of girls swarmed the vehicle like a ravenous horde. Lizzie had to shove them away with her nightstick as we forced our way into the dojo.

“What the hell’s going on?” I said, panting as I slammed my back against the door.

Lizzie lifted her sunglasses and peered outside. “How many people did mom invite to this thing?”

Aunt Nikki was standing on a makeshift stage, cheering and pointing fingers as she screamed about a raffle into her megaphone. Mom climbed next to her and they both started controlling the crowd like rock stars.

Mom pointed to me through the window, and the eyes of a hundred women stared directly at me.

I nervously waved, and they started laughing—I wonder what embarrassing story she told them this time.

“Isn’t your aunt great?” Coach Baker said as she crossed the dojo. “I met her earlier, and the moment she spoke, I knew she was related to your mom.”

Lizzie laughed. “There’s only one person in the world that can scream louder than mom.”

“It’s why I put her on crowd control. Saved me from having to use my whistle so much.” Coach Baker touched my shoulder. “So, are you nervous?”

I scanned the crowd, looking for sensei. “Who are all these people?”

“The local soccer teams,” Coach Baker said. “When I said they could kick balls, the marketing went viral. I didn’t think this many would show up.”

“Mom’s probably loving it out there.” Lizzie waved as mom pointed over, the crowd cheered.

“She probably told them all how great you are at kicking eggs.”

They both giggled as I stared at a wanted poster in the window—my face was plastered on a stickman body with a goofy smile—it said I was looking for a girlfriend.

“Free dates for a month?” Coach Baker said. “Can I sign up?”

“Mom put an age limit on there,” Lizzie said. “Forgot to stick a few egg stickers between his legs too!”

I pointed to the really tiny writing saying you needed to sign up for a month of self-defense training at the dojo to be eligible—must be why most of my classmates were in here helping train groups of people.

“Sensei’s probably loving this!” I said. “That line was probably his idea.”

“You should probably go ask him,” Coach Baker said. “I stuck him at the dunk tank. He grabbed those egg stickers right away and slapped them on the bullseye. I think he loves taunting everyone.”

“I think it helps that mom said he’ll get 50% of the money from it,” Lizzie said.

“That too.” Coach Baker giggled. “Josh, you should probably go out there and have some fun.”

“The second I go out there, I’m probably going to get swarmed again.”

“Probably get kicked too!” Lizzie laughed. “Coach, you should’ve seen my mom before we left, she kept on testing his cup every few minutes to make sure it worked.”

Coach Baker stifled a giggle. “Can’t have it breaking now, can we?”

“Do you want to test it to make sure?”

Coach Baker smirked as she kneed the air, her eyes never left mine.

“I think I’m going to take my chances out there…” I said as I slowly backed towards the door.

“Are you sure?” Lizzie asked. “Need me to test your cup before you—”

I dashed outside and made my way towards the bouncy castle. Sensei waved to me as I passed the dunk tank—the bullseye was covered in egg splatters. As soon as I waved back, it got slammed with a shoe and he went under.

A few of Coach Baker’s soccer girls were helping man the booths, and when they saw me, they waved me through like a VIP.

As I was taking my shoes off outside the bouncy castle, Rebecca and her mom bounced out.

“That was hilarious!”

“I know!” Rebecca’s mom said. “Did you see his face when I kicked him?”

Rebecca finally noticed me as they walked by. “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you…”

Rebecca’s mom took a closer look at my wanted poster.

“But now that my mom’s out of there, it might be safe.”

“It was an accident!” They both laughed. “I promise!”

“That’s what you said every time. I think they stopped believing you after the third one!”

I decided to slip my shoes back on. “Did anyone see Julia?”

“I think she’s in charge of the ball pit,” Rebecca said, pointing over. “But I don’t think you want to go there either.”

“I couldn’t help it! The ball flew out,” Rebecca’s mom said. “What did you want me to do, toss it back in?”

“You didn’t have to kick Lizzie’s boyfriend.”

“He was in the way!” Rebecca’s mom giggled. “He shouldn’t have been standing between me and the ball pit!”

Poor mustache-face, I actually felt a little bad for him. Maybe I would go over to the merchandise table and thank him for helping mom.

“So, is Coach Baker inside?” Rebecca rested her filthy foot on the shoe rack.

“She’s in there talking with Lizzie,” I said, watching Rebecca’s mom scrape her socks near the exit. “Why don’t you two have shoes?”

“Coach didn’t tell you?” Rebecca showed me her nearly-black sole. “Some rhyme about donating a lot of socks to support Joshy Woshy’s new washing machine. I think it’ll get sent overseas to a place called the Sock Room.”

Rebecca’s mom came walking over once she seemed satisfied. “Here’s the flyer, I had one in my pocket.”

She thrust the flyer in my face, it looked like a propaganda poster and was signed ‘CSOs Karen and Linda’—must’ve been the founders.

“I’m going to find Julia,” I said as I handed it back.

“I’d be careful if I were you,” Rebecca said.

“Do you need me to escort you?” Rebecca’s mom walked alongside me. “I might find another lost ball on the ground.”

I weaved through the crowd and made sure I lost her.

* * *

Julia finished pocketing some money and pointed at my wanted poster—a few of the soccer girls giggled as they dove into the giant pit.

“Remember, no shoes in there! It’ll damage the balls!” Julia smirked at me as she took the next customers. “Hey, did you like my idea to sell more merchandise?”

Now that I took a look around, nearly every female was wearing egg-breaker socks and yoga pants.

“After our little detective solved her case…” Julia smirked. “I thought what better way to raise money than convince everyone to ruin the socks they just bought! Lizzie and your mom would be so proud.”

I nodded as she spoke—these women were probably buying four pairs each.

I pointed at my poster. “Who came up with these?”

“Me,” Julia said as I picked at the egg sticker between the legs. “Do you love them? I even made your mom put the age limit on there, because we don’t want a repeat of the C.B. situation, now do we?”

My face burned as I tried to think of something else.

“I think I saw a couple women walking around in thigh-high boots too.” Julia pulled out her magnifying glass and eyed the direction I just came from. “I think I saw two women beating people up in the castle, and the boys coming out never looked the same.”

I stared at the stage and watched mom and Aunt Nikki bounce around every corner, taking turns blowing the whistle.

“A lot of eggs sure are getting kicked today.” Julia snickered. “You better be careful.”

Lizzie plowed her way through the line and marched towards us.

“Did you two see queen bitch and her mom anywhere?” Lizzie tightened her fists.

Julia shrugged. “Why, what happened?”

“Tony just told me what her mom did!” Lizzie picked up a loose ball and catapulted it across the street. “Weren’t you watching the ball pit?”

Julia shrugged again. “Accidents happen.”

As Lizzie stormed towards the stage, Julia leaned in and whispered.

“Actually, I paid her a few bucks to kick his eggs.” Julia laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. “I never did like him, and he looked even funnier than your face when she punched you!”

I curled over as someone slapped my crotch. Julia burst into laughter and pulled a few dollars out of her pocket.

“You got him right in the eggs! Good job!” Julia handed the giggling girl some money. “You can jump in the ball pit for free.”

I peeled the egg sticker off my crotch and stuck it on Julia’s shirt.

“I didn’t see anything!” Julia zipped her lips and threw away the key. “But I will tell you…” She glanced around. “There’s an underground bet going on, even Coach Baker’s in on—”

“Are you ready, champ?” A wet hand landed on my shoulder.

I spun towards sensei, unleashed some of my fastest moves, and hit him with every single one.

“Come on,” he said, scanning the crowd, “let’s get into the locker room and get changed before your aunt finds me.”

* * *

The dojo was packed beyond capacity. The sound of the crowd was deafening, but as soon as sensei closed his fist, everyone went silent.

My entire class stood in their assigned groups and synchronized perfectly with each other as we showed off all the advanced moves we learned. We all bowed at the same time to the roaring crowd, then stood along the opposite wall.

Mom and Aunt Nikki rushed onto the stage holding a giant box of raffle tickets.

“I know you’re all having a great time out there!” Mom pointed to Aunt Nikki.

“And sensei was kind enough to let us use this dojo to promote kicking eggs!” Everyone snickered as Aunt Nikki pointed at sensei—he turned redder than a tomato. “As you all know, we wanted a little self-defense competition before the big show.”

Mom danced her way to the corner and lifted a bag. “3rd place prize is a 3-day vacation to ten different local wineries.”

Aunt Nikki glared at sensei, and I could see him fidgeting with his belt, trying to look as cool as possible.

“2nd place is a $500 gift card to the local resort.” Mom picked it up and began displaying it.

Most of the moms in the crowd clapped and cheered.

“And 1st place…” Aunt Nikki started drumming the ground.

“A week-long soccer camp with the pros!”

The place erupted as mom and Aunt Nikki started pulling out tickets for the tournament. All the winners made their way down to the middle of the mats, and our class was in charge of reffing each sparring match.

Almost all the guys were walking funny, getting knocked out relatively quickly. Julia was sitting in the corner giggling and taking more bets—probably making even more money than mom!

Aunt Nikki, Lizzie, and Rebecca blasted through their competition like tissue paper.

Aunt Nikki took out a few women in no time, then destroyed Coach Baker—I swear she had sparkling wine bottles in her eyes.

Lizzie sliced through everyone within seconds, but when she reached Rebecca’s mom, Lizzie’s eyes turned to flames. Lizzie toyed with her for a while, slammed her onto her back, then accidentally kicked her in the crotch when the ref wasn’t looking.

When Aunt Nikki faced Lizzie, she bowed out and grabbed her prize. Sensei looked very uncomfortable as Aunt Nikki pointed at him and winked, causing him to tighten his belt and strike a few poses for the crowd.

When Rebecca made it to Lizzie, they exchanged some words—Rebecca smirked as she pointed her thumb towards me. Lizzie morphed into a demon straight from hell. She dodged every single move Rebecca made, making sure her counters hurt Rebecca as much as possible.

After sensei declared Lizzie the winner by technicality, mom nearly pulled her ear off as she dragged Lizzie to the lockers.

When sensei went to speak, Aunt Nikki cut him off.

“And that ends the tournament!” She shook her prize in the air and gave it a hug. “I learned all those egg-breaking moves from my nephew, Joshy Woshy! He’s the one from the girlfriend posters!”

I wanted to melt through the floor as she pointed at me. The entire crowd was laughing, even my classmates.

“If you go out with him, you can also kick his—”

Sensei snatched the microphone from her. “What she meant to say was, that’s just a small portion of what you’ll learn. Most of those winners were in my first group, lead by 2 of my top students. So sign up for that class and you’ll…”

The crowd looked like they were falling asleep as he continued with his horrible marketing.

He turned red and started to stutter as Aunt Nikki adjusted his black belt, then snatched the whistle from her and began blowing it.

“Break!” He blew again. “Fifteen minute break!”

* * *

Lizzie shoved me into the empty locker room and flicked my forehead.

“Did you do it?”

“Do what?”

Lizzie punched my stomach, but I blocked. “Answer me, you little weasel!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I continued blocking her attacks and was forced back. Lizzie threw a few flicks towards my forehead, but I knocked them all away.

“She tried to tell me she had compromising pictures… and I told her she was full of it.”

“Probably just a trick to get you to lose,” I said as I bumped against something, “she knows how to get under your—”

“And mom almost killed me for what I did to Reebee’s mom.” Lizzie faked a kick towards my crotch, then flicked my nose. “Said I had to give up my prize and apologize.”

I hopped to the side, dodging her next punch.

“I said that Coach Breaker—” Her foot smashed a box behind me as I rolled. “—could get the prize instead, then decide who she wants to give it to.”

I glanced—the hole was directly at crotch-level.

“Lizzie, calm down. I didn’t have anything to—”

I ducked and spun under her fists.

“You know what happens to lying weasels?” Lizzie looked down at her bloody knuckles as she towered over me. “I destroy them.”

I stumbled as I dodged her—

Her foot stopped right before it smashed my face. I blinked a few times, then stared as her filthy sock slowly pressed me against the lockers.

“For making me lose soccer camp, I want you to stick out your tongue.”

I jerked my head to the side, trying not to open my mouth.

She pressed my cheek in even harder.

I was too afraid to scream.

“Lick!” Lizzie ground her heel down.

I gripped her leg and couldn’t help but breathe, her foot smelled like she hadn’t showered all week, and she pressed it even further.

“Please stop, you’re hurting me!” I squeezed her leg.

“Jules told me there’s a bet going on. And you’re going to help us win!”

My head felt like it was going to pop as I stuck out my tongue.

Lizzie smeared her sole all over and gave a little chuckle.

“Tastes yummy?” She wiggled her toes on my tongue.

I wanted to throw up as she dragged them down my chin, but I closed my mouth and swallowed.

“Good boy.” She dried her sock on my gi, then headed for the dojo. “After you win your blue belt, just make sure you celebrate! There’s going to be cameras all over.”

* * *

After swapping to a clean gi, I rushed into the dojo to see mom making everybody do the wave.

Rebecca and her mom were in the corner with Julia, they looked to be in much less pain and in better spirits. Coach Baker and Aunt Nikki came from the back room and gave mom a signal.

Sensei came out a few minutes later, and didn’t have his usual fluid movements as he came towards me.

“Change of plans.” He adjusted his belt and glanced at Aunt Nikki. When she winked and gave him a little wave, his gi almost lit on fire. “Change of plans.”

“What did they—”

“Nothing… Nothing’s different.” He stared into space. “You’ll still be getting your belt. This whole thing is just for show anyway. All of you are getting the next belt or you wouldn’t be here.”

Everyone in our class cheered under their breath.

“But we have to put on a good show for this crowd.” He flashed a smile and gave us a thumbs up. “I need more signups!”

Sometimes he was so cheesy, but he was the best fighter I knew—could definitely work on his motivational speeches though.

I sat along the wall as he saved the best for last. One-by-one, everyone won their matches and pumped their fist in the air as they held their new belt. Sensei didn’t do his usual sweet moves to pump up the crowd, but instead left that up to mom and Aunt Nikki as he squatted in the corner, turning red every time she even looked in his direction.

Aunt Nikki ripped my poster off the wall and did circles around the room as mom yelled.

“And next up is the ultimate match! The one this whole celebration is for!” She pumped her fist each syllable. “Joshy Woshy!”

Coach Baker stood up and had her entire soccer team chanting my name, then had them resting their feet on their heels and moving to the beat.

I stared at all the filthy socks. All I could think of was the ones I just licked—the taste returning as I felt myself turning green.

Mom silenced the crowd.

“And all this self-defense wouldn’t be possible without my amazing daughter, Lizzie!” Mom laughed as Lizzie gave a few bows. “She won the tournament and teaches the class, so if you signed up, that’s who—”

Aunt Nikki crossed her eyes and held herself as she fell down—the crowd loved it—I stared into space just like sensei.

“Now for the final fight we’ve all been waiting for, the one all those news cameras are here to see! Green Belt Joshy Woshy vs. Black Belt Lizzie! Ding ding ding!”

* * *

Lizzie wasn’t toying with me.

“This is supposed to be for show,” I said as I smacked another punch away.

She aimed for the kill, but I weaved.

“It’s not a real fi—”

Her fist flew through my hair as I ducked.

“Take it easy.”

“I am.” She faked a kick, then smashed my ribs with her shin. “You see?”

“Let’s just end it so I can get my—”

“Shut up before I make you lick dirt in front of all these people.”

My tongue suctioned to the back of my throat as I dodged another punch.

Lizzie’s foot flew like lightning for my crotch, but I blocked. I had to come up with a way to get under her skin, but she wasn’t wearing any chicken legs.

“Rebecca’s laughing at—”

Lizzie punched my stomach so hard, I didn’t even see it.

I wanted to collapse into the mat, but I couldn’t curl into a ball in front of all these people. Instead, I threw a flying elbow, then unleashed all my fastest moves. Lizzie barely dodged most of them, and a few even landed.

“You’re going to pay for that…”

Lizzie dug her nails into my arm as she tossed me over her hip, but I did the sweetest flip of my life, straight from my favorite action movie.

The crowd roared as I landed and started attacking again.

I could hear sensei cheering me on in the background, saying how awesome that move was.

Lizzie tightened her fists. “You won’t have any eggs after this.”

I stared at Lizzie’s filthy sock flying straight for my crotch, and I knew exactly what to do.

I half-stepped to the side and grabbed her leg, then slammed her to the ground and locked her ankle. Twisting as hard as I could, I dug my heel into her stomach.

She tapped out.

The crowd roared as I dropped her ankle.

“Sorry, Lizzie,” I stepped right up and heard a few grunts from below, “it’s what the crowd wants.”

Sensei handed me my new blue belt while raising my arm. Mom and Aunt Nikki nearly toppled me over as they both rushed over.

“Josh,” mom said as she hugged me, “I’m so proud of you, but get off your sister so we can take a family photo!”

The cameraman kneeled in front of us as I glanced down at Lizzie. The look on her face was priceless as I bounced a few times. It was fun getting my revenge by training her abs in front of all these people. Maybe if I spent a few more seconds on her, I could have a picture for the history books.

Mom gave an aggressive tug backwards, and as soon as both my feet hit the mat, someone wrapped their arm around my elbow.

“Great job,” Coach Baker said as she snuggled against my arm, “I knew you could do it.”

I turned around and saw sensei giving me a thumbs up, so I raised my free hand and gave him one too, hoping he could see it around Aunt Nikki’s head.

“Everyone look towards me!” the cameraman said. “On the count of 3, say cheese!”

“How about Egg Breakers?” Lizzie said as she wiped herself off.

“I love that idea!” Aunt Nikki nestled her head on my shoulder. “We’re all Joshy Woshy’s favorite people!”

“Yes we are!” Mom giggled as she kissed my cheek. “And he couldn’t have done it without us.”

The cameraman prepped his camera and began the countdown.

Lizzie slithered her arm around my elbow and squeezed tight. I elbowed her ribs which only caused her to slam her heel on my foot at the count of one.

“Hey!” Julia screamed as she shoved her way through the crowd. “Did someone order scrambled eggs?”

Three cleats flew straight past the cameraman at the speed of light, and there was nothing I could do as I heard the crowd around me cheer:

“Egg Breakers!”