Y'all Cum Back Now, Y'Hear!

Y'all Cum Back Now, Y'Hear!

By nutcracker sweet

Howdy! Here's a little tale for y'all. Hope it's not too long. Sorry guys, I didn't write this whole thing, I had a little help from a friend!

"Horseshoes? Hah! The day that I can't beat a couple of backwoods midgets at horseshoes is the day that I'd let 'em feed me my own cum!” Noodles Macdoneitagain bellowed, scratching his nuts and leering at the two women before him, as he upended the bottle of Dixie beer and finished it off in one long draught.

"Big talk for a little man," Fionna Macrivalclan sneered, "but..."

"Little man?” interrupted Fionna's younger sister Moira, looking up at the half-drunk pompous ass that was towering above them.

Fionna leaned into her sister and nudged her with an elbow. "I've seen all of him, and believe me when I say 'little man'!"

With a roar of laughter, Noodles Macdoneitagain slapped Fionna on the ass and then quickly scampered away with his hands protectively covering his groin, as Fionna took a half-hearted kick at his crotch.

"I'll tell ye what, ladies, if I win then I have my own sex slaves for the weekend with the Macrivalclan sisters! But if y'all win then you can do to me what ye will, and I know what you want, Fionna." At this he grabbed the bulge in the crotch of his jeans, "A shot at these, right?"

"Oh yeah, I'm gonna make you squeal like the pig you are!"

Moira stood wide-eyed, absently rubbing her own groin through the denim of her jeans, looking from her sex-crazed sister to the sex-crazed behemoth...

-Moira-

Good God, I thought he'd never shut up! He was so witty and fun by email, but in person he was downright annoying. Maybe I was just in a bad mood from having to drink all that Zima. Or maybe I was pissed off because he actually DID play horseshoes so well! Maybe it was the way he kept staring at my ass. OK, half of it was hanging out of my "Daisy Dukes” but that didn't give him the right to just stare like that, so blatantly! The bottom line is he just got all over my nerves. And what was up with Fionna?!!? She was soaking it up, all his flirting with her! She usually sees through that bullshit, but he seemed to just have her licking out of his hand. So finally I couldn't take it any more. Looking back, maybe I was a little rash. Nah... when I remember the look on his face, it was worth it!

He was getting so sure of himself, so comfortable with us. Thinking he was on our level! So I tapped him on the shoulder, interrupting his fawning over Fionna and as he turned around... Oh! It was beautiful! The look of surprise...I mean, he simply didn't comprehend for a couple seconds, even when he saw my little pointy-toed Justin heading for his crotch, felt it crush his balls. Or maybe he didn't feel it right away? Anyway, the look of incomprehension, turning to a very real comprehension; the look of disappointment and betrayal, the look of sudden fear... Oh! It was just priceless!

Thank goodness that seemed to break Fionna out of her spell. As he sank to his knees, slowly, like was on a sports replay on TV, she moved in behind him and dug around in his jeans, finally finding the waistband of his boxers, and gave him the wedgie from hell! I was so relieved that she hadn't turned soft! And damn, she lifted him practically off the ground! I think his whimpering spurred her on! And then it was like old times... she held him from behind, half struggling, while I landed a few more good kicks to his soft spots. He was pretty much out of it when he sank to the ground. Briefly I felt sorry for him. But he asked for it, right? Teasing us like that?

-Noodles-

I admit it caught me off guard when Moira actually kicked me. Was I making her jealous, spending so much time talking to Fionna? At first I didn't get it. It took a while for the pain to sink in. I had been thinking that they were all talk... and suddenly everything changed. They became vicious, wild, horrifying! And I couldn't fight back. the first kick paralyzed me and then to have Fionna turn on me, too, ripping my underwear off me like that, and pulling half my crotch with it. It was so humiliating to be defenseless when these two women--two girls, really, so small and cute, despite their tough, outlaw garb--pulled down my jeans, held me down, abused me.

Really, with Moira, barely over 100 pounds sitting on my chest, her milky white legs squeezing my sides like she was riding a horse, and Fionna kneeling above my head, holding both my wrists and stretching my arms out. I was helpless… and it was so embarrassing. Looking up at Fionna's face, from underneath, and seeing her chin and cheekbones, seeing the sinewy bare arms, knowing that this was the woman who had a vise-like grip on my own wrists and arms, who was keeping me captive... seeing Moira's gleeful laugh, her lipstick shining in the sun as she bounced on me, reaching back to grasp my now exposed scrotum...to be completely in the control of these two women...it was outrageous! I knew I should be able to simply buck Moira off, to merely overpower Fionna and yet I stayed their captive, overcome not by handcuffs or trickery but by their sheer physical dominance.

And then to be forced to say those things! But I tell myself I didn't have a choice. When someone is squeezing your nuts, you'll do anything, say anything. I just wish I hadn't been erect, though. They were so amused by my inability to control myself. I thought it couldn't get any worse.

-Fionna-

I fuckin' wish Moira had held off a little bit. I mean, I was ready to bust him as much as she was, though he was kinda cute and all but first I wanted to get him at horseshoes. Dropping him when she did was practically admitting that he had won!

Of course, once she kicked him that first time, instinct kind of set in. And damn, it was fun tag-teaming him. Poor city-slicker... he talked about how he'd been in fights before, but he wouldn't even have lasted five minutes with my momma. Sometimes that's the best, so you can toy with them for a while. I let Moira do most of the dirty work. It was a little sad for a minute, well, not sad but sweet, the way when she was grinding his nuts he was looking up at me with those puppy eyes and all...like he wanted to ask me out to the soda shop or something! Damn, dude, we're kicking your ass!

I figured I better make it clear to him what was going on. So I left him to Moira's sadistic little hands for a minute and fetched my Blackhawk from the truck. His eyes got bigger than Bambi's during hunting season when I ran the muzzle around his neck and cheek. Moira even got a little nervous when I told him to open up. I had to tell him to stop thrashing or he'd break a tooth or something on the barrel. "Suck it!" I yelled. And he did! God, I don't think I would have done that! He was pretty scared, though.

Moira balked when I told her to roll him over. "You're not stickin' that up his ass!" she complained. "The front site will rip something up and we'll have to take him to the hospital! And they're tired of seeing us!" She had a point, but I made her roll him over anyway. Once we got him settled down and docile again--it's funny how a good double hammerlock kind of takes the fight out of a guy--I showed her what I was up to. A .357 Magnum cartridge is kind of skinny but it makes a half-decent butt plug for a virgin. Two work even better. So I held him still while Moira pulled his pants up over his loaded rear end--she was laughing again now--and then I told him we were ready to continue with the horseshoes. And that I hoped he had a better attitude toward the whole thing. Damned if he still didn't beat us, but watching the kink those rounds put in his throwing style was worth it! I'm sure we woulda beaten him if we hadn't been laughing too hard to throw straight!

-Noodles-

I limped to the bathroom, moving about as quickly as a one-legged asthmatic sloth with heavy shopping. The Macmerciless sisters laughed and practiced their horse-shoe throwing. Frankly, they could use the practice. If only they were as inaccurate with their feet, I might not have crumbled so quickly when they attacked. But they’d caught me off-guard. I’d been expecting the first strike to come from Fionna. It had been she who had made all the threats, and had even given me a warning shot before the game began.

I should have realized what I had gotten myself into sooner, I suppose. Then again, nothing could have prepared me for the severity of those Macsnapkicks, even though it was witnessing Fionna delivering one that piqued my interest in the first place. Well, not the very first place – that would have been the sight of her jiggling… wait… let’s start at the beginning.

I don’t know what town I was in, if it can even be called a town – more like a pub with a few trailers and shacks around it. Hell, I don’t even know what state I was in – I’d forgotten to turn left at Rocky Top and wound up driving all day in the wrong direction till there weren’t even proper roads. I expected at any moment to just drive into a swamp and get eaten by alligators. So I stopped at the first sign of attempted civilization and tried to drink myself into enough of a stupor so that I wouldn’t mind sleeping in the car overnight.

The population of the town couldn’t have been more than twenty-five, yet the population of the pub was at least fifty – mainly yee-haws who were 98% on the way to oblivion. And no wonder – the only drink they served was some kind of moonshine that tasted like it had been distilled from Brussels sprouts and hair oil. There were a handful of almost toothless crones who seemed determined to try to knock out the rest of their teeth on the cocks of whoever would have them, and I’d politely but firmly rejected four invitations in the space of three drinks.

So when Fionna swaggered in with her perky chest-puppies wagging their tails and her smooth round butt-cheeks moving like they were chewing a caramel, my cock shot up so quickly I thought it was saluting her. She moved with determination to the bar, with her face slightly red and coated with sparkling sweat that I’d have been happy to lick off right away.

"Line em, up, Billy-Jo-Jim-Bob, two pint’s ‘o ya finest polish remover. Just raced me fat-arsed sister from the county line, and boy we got a thirst goin’."

"Ah ain’t Billy-Jo-Jim-Bob," said the barman. "Ahs his cousin, Bobby-Jo-Jimmy-Bill."

"Well if that don’t beat a rat’s ass with a dildo," said Fionna, winking at me.

"You believe these friggin’ hicks?" She picked up her pint glass and downed half of it in one gulp. "Jee-zuz! That’ll put hairs on me nipples!"

At that point a man emerged from the men’s room and stared straight at Fionna as if in shock. "Whooo-Hooo! Spank my monkey and call me an octopus! Ain’t seen nuttin’ that sweet since Mary-Sue-Sally-Anne got all her pink bits bit off by that gator back in ’92."

He was about 6’4" and had to bend down to grab a huge handful of Fiona’s delicious ass-meat. Well, I wasn’t going to have any of that behavior, so I downed my shot-glass of nuclear horse-piss and stood to defend this fine lady’s honor, just in time to see the blur of her foot moving like a snake with whisky on its ass-hole. She’s a tiny little thing, but I swear her foot would have knocked a hole in the ceiling if that hick’s balls hadn’t got in the way. All the blood drained from his face and he let out a little squeak that somehow conveyed all his pain, shock and horror as he sank to his knees, then fell straight onto his face with his hands on his balls.

That’s when Moira arrived, panting and sweating at the door. "Aw, dang it Fi! Couldn’t ya wait till I’d had one friggin drink?"

Bobby-Jo-Billy-Jim shouted, "Well squeeze my sphincter! Youse is them Macnutty sisters what’s wanted in five counties hereabouts! And danged if ya didn’t just give the sheriff a six-pack worth o agony to the aggetts. Who’s deperty this week? Ya’ll gotta ‘rest these hooliganisms."

The dozen or so men who weren’t too shitfaced to walk stood up. One said, "In these cases, we’s ALL deperties, right, Cletis-Willie-jo-bob?"

"Huh-huh! Yersir. I reckons we’s gotta detain these felonies overnight, and meebe fer a few weeks, huh-huh."

Fionna was defiantly looking from one set of balls to another, seemingly ready to take them all on, but Moira grabbed her arm and shouted, "Don’t be a badger's asshole, Fi, ya can’t kick ‘em all." So Fionna simply kicked the set of balls closest to her, and the guy collapsed in the doorway, which gave the girls a bit of a head start as they sprinted towards the county line and safety.

After shoving aside the man groaning in the doorway, the men headed to the dirt lot and clambered aboard the flat-bed truck that was possibly the town’s only transport. It started with a rattle and slowly strained towards the road. Decrepit as it was, I knew the girls couldn’t outrun the truck, especially since they’d already been running. I ran to my car and sped after them, passing the truck quickly and seeing the girls about a hundred yards further up the road. I stopped just in front of them and shouted at them to get in. They hesitated at first, but saw the truck approaching and figured it was better to trust a stranger, no matter how perverted he might be, than to trust the lust-crazed mob hell-bent on avenging their sheriff’s battered balls.

Fionna climbed in the passenger seat, and Moira got in the back and said, "Y’all some kinda super-hero, or what?"

"Oh, I don’t know about that," I said. "I just don’t like to see a lady in trouble."

"Ain’t no ladies, round here," said Moira. "So don’t go getting’ no high-falutin’ ideas like you’re some kinda dragon slayer, alright? What in the name a blue Jesus’ cock is that accent a yours, anyways? Or ya jesta retard?"

"Um, no, not really," I said. "I’m Australian."

"Really?" said Fiona. "Like the crocodile hunter, huh? Maybe you have killed a few dragons… little ones, anyways."

"Uh… only a couple," I said. "The ones that come into the yard at home, you know. I don’t go looking for them or anything." I live in Melbourne. The nearest croc outside a zoo is about 2000 miles away, and I’d probably shit my pants if I ever saw one up close.

"Wow!" said Fionna. She slapped her hand down hard on my thigh, about a quarter of an inch from my balls, and squeezed – I could feel a lot of power in her small hands. "Hope you didn’t lose anything vital while you were fighting them?"

"Uh… I’m not sure… perhaps you should check," I said.

"Oh, Christ on a stick!" spat Moira, "I hope ya don’t mind if I throw up in your car."

"Don’t mind her," said Fionna, walking her fingers across my thigh towards my erection. "She gets a bit grumpy when she’s sober." She took as much of my cock and balls as she could in her hand and said, "Wow, you’ll have a great package when it’s finished. When are you getting the rest sent down?" She gave me a small punch to my nuts that made me jump and swerve the car slightly.

She turned to Moira and said, "Well, least we got some bait for catching breakfast."

Normally, this humiliation would have deflated my ego and my cock, but Fionna was just such a little bundle of spunk I reckon I would’ve stayed hard if she was using a cheese grater on my eyes. And that punch in the balls was so nice it caused all my pre-cum to make a large wet patch in my underpants.

I couldn’t believe my luck. After driving for days across half the country looking for some dumb bitch called Nutcracker Sweet (or ntckrswt – damn dumb-ass couldn’t spell, let alone give directions to the swamp-trailer where she lived), a girl I’d met on the Internet, I’d stumbled across a hot looking fuck-bunny who was wanted in five counties for doing to men what I enjoyed having done to me most. I was certain that if I could just get her away from her bitchy sister, she’d be likely to crush my nuts and suck them dry afterwards. For all her insults about my cock, she’d let her fingers linger on it long enough to tell me she wouldn’t mind at least giving it a test-drive.

"So, uh, Fionna… Are you really wanted for crimes against masculinity?"

She looked at me for a long time before saying, "Maybe I is and maybe I ain’t. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you" She giggled. "Or maybe I’d just have to make you wish you were dead. Anyway, it’s not as though I’m the worst offender around here… everyone does it. Nothin’ else to do since the monster-truck club closed down. Nothin’ to do but play horse-shoes and kick some balls, if you can find any. Lotta guys left town recently. Big mystery."

Oh, man… it was too perfect. They couldn’t possibly know that I was the Knoxville horse-shoes champion five years running, and they had no idea I loved to get my balls crushed. I quickly formulated a plan to get them drunk then challenge them to a game… with a small wager to make it interesting.

We couldn’t go into any bars because the girls had been banned everywhere, so I got a couple of cases of Dixie beer and we headed to their house. They’d graciously offered to let me sleep on the couch overnight, but I had better ideas.

We started drinking pretty heavily and it clear to me that these girls knew how to drink. But I’ve been know to sink a beer or two, and I was confident I could get them rat-arsed before I passed out. Especially Fiona, who’s already sunk half a pint of gutrot in the bar where I met her.

After a couple of hours, everything was going well – I was telling the girls some of my fabulous personal stories and anecdotes, and Fionna was listening in awe and laughing. I don’t know what was up Moira’s arse, but she just didn’t seem to like me at all, even when I told her that hilarious story about how I humiliated a fat chick. There was something about her, though, that sparked my interest. I’m not sure if it was the way her ass looked in those tiny shorts she changed into, or the way her nipples stood out on her small but jutting norks, or the muscles bulging on her slim, yet shapely, legs. Maybe it was because she was much more intelligent than Fionna, yet didn’t feel the need to show it off. Or maybe it was the way her laughter almost made me cum every time I heard it (which wasn’t as often as I’d hoped – she barely smiled when I told her the wryly amusing story of the time I ran over a guide dog). In any event, I realized at point during the night that I’d picked the wrong sister. As sexy as Fionna was, Moira was just as pretty, and twice as interesting. Then again, maybe I just wanted her because she didn’t like me. In any event, I gave Fionna more and more attention, hoping to make Moira jealous. Not a great plan, I know, but after half a dozen beers and a few shots of that moonshine, it seemed to make sense.

And to make the plan even more perfect, it was Moira who suggested the game of horseshoes. When I suggested we place a bet on the outcome – my balls or their servitude – they didn’t bat an eyelid. I knew I’d beat them – my plan was to make them my slaves and have my wicked way with them in every possible manner, legal or otherwise. But I would be a kind master – I would let them kick my balls a few times each, as a consolation prize. And if they didn’t do it then, I’d order them to do it, and I’d order them to do it HARD.

Of course, I didn’t know then what I know now. I don’t know how angry or jealous I made Moira, but from the first kick she gave me, you’d think she was busting Satan’s balls. I had no idea it was coming, and when it hit me, my first thought was that the sick bitch had shot me in the nuts. It was the kind of kick that stops time. The shock of it numbed everything at first, and then the pain came in waves, and I just sank to the ground, as if I was floating down like a feather. But I still landed like a brick, and before I knew it, Fionna had me pinned to the ground and Moira’s foot was slamming into my balls in a completely unnecessary series of crushing kicks that sent me so far past my pain threshold I expected to be kicked into another dimension. In a way, I think she did send me into another dimension – a dimension of pain so pure my existence will never be the same again – all I have is a memory of that pain to accompany me through life, as I vainly seek a path home again, home to that world where I thought that a kick in the balls could only make you fall down and writhe on the floor for a while. But I wasn’t in that world anymore. I was in Fionna and Moira’s world, and I hated it and loved it. When Moira took hold of my nuts and compressed them to the size of grapes in her savage grip, I felt myself shudder and tense – through all that unbearable agony came a delicious pleasure and I was about to spray Moira with more cum than she could drink in a month, when Fionna suddenly put a gun to my head and made me suck the barrel.

Things had suddenly turned very unsexy. I sucked that gun barrel like the shit-scared coward I am, and said all manner of things I’ll sure I’ll regret. But worst of all, they plugged my butt with some of the bullets. I have no idea how many – the pain in my balls was all I could feel at that point. All I know is that as soon as I beat them at horseshoes, I limped to the bathroom to have an almighty shit to purge myself of these bullets.

But once I sat down, I was too scared to shit, in case one of them hit the porcelain and detonated. But I couldn’t bear to have them in there, either, and there was no way I was going outside to take a dump on the lawn in front of the Macsexyevilbitch sisters. To make matters more confusing, I saw my balls swollen and bruised, my sack looked like a pomegranate, and that reminded me of Moira’s precise and savage kicks. The girls had some of their bras and knickers drying on a towel rack in the bathroom, and it wasn’t hard to picture them having those garments ripped off, just before I ravish them. My cock had been promising an orgasm for hours and I couldn’t hold it back any longer for fear it would backfire and make my balls explode. So I thought of Moira, and all I would do with her and her sister once I could move properly again, and I grabbed hold of my steely cock and started stroking.

It didn’t take long before I was ready to cum, and just as I got to the point of no return, Fionna thumped on the door and asked if I was okay. She thumped so hard I thought one of the bullets had fired inside me and I shat out everything I’d eaten in the past month, and possibly a few organs, to boot, and simultaneously shot a wad of cum large enough to drown a cat, right into one cup of Moira’s favorite leather bra. The relief was overpowering, and I slumped on the toilet, breathing heavily with my heart pounding wildly.

Fionna knocked again. "What are ya doing in there? You okay or what?"

I wiped the sweat from my brow and looked at the cum dripping from Moira’s bra. I knew that would not go unnoticed. Or unpunished. What’s that line from Shakespeare? Hell hath no fury like a sexy redneck ballbuster who’s just discovered that you’ve spunked in her favorite bra? Man, my balls would pay for that later. But right now, all I could feel was a heavenly relief.

"Yeh, I’m fine," I said. "For now." I knew I would suffer later beyond my wildest dreams or nightmares. But just to make sure, I wiped my spermy hands on a pair of the girl’s panties. I finished up in the bathroom, and went through the door and into the arms of the sexiest executioners I could ever hope to meet.